Musings from the Soapbox

The Random Edition: Celebrate Diversity

2011-09-26T10:54:00.001+02:00

NSFW // Bør kanskje ikke åpnes på jobb.

A black-and-white drawn picture of 30 different vaginas seen from the front, numbered, and all in their own little frames. Below the vaginas "CELEBRATE DIVERSITY" is written.
Et svarthvitt bilde av 30 forskjellige, tegnede vaginaer sett forfra, numrert, og med rammer rundt hver enkel. Under vaginaene står det skrevet "CELEBRATE DIVERSITY" (feir forskjeller).

etsy

2011-09-24T19:12:00.001+02:00

Etsy is a wonderful and confusing place, filled with treasures and absolute junk. I am by no means the most experienced etsy traveler out there, but as the time has passed I have gathered a few reasources I thought I'd share. If you have any tips to share yourself, please do so in the comments!
All these shops have clothing available in plus sizes, or a custom option:

Etsy er et vidunderlig og forvirrende sted, fylt med både skatter og skrot. Jeg er på ingen måte den mest erfarne reisende i etsy der ute, men ettersom tiden har gått har jeg samlet meg noen ressurser som jeg tenkte jeg skulle dele med dere. Hvis du har noen tips du kunne tenke deg å dele, gjør det gjerne i kommentarene.
Alle disse butikkene har klær som er tilgjengelige i store størrelser, eller gir deg muligheten til å få dem sydd til dine mål:

Damsel in this Dress - Where I like to go and drool over all the pretty things I'm not buying. // Siden jeg liker å besøke for å sikle på alle de pene tigene jeg ikke kommer til å kjøpe.

By Ro! Designs - Plus size swimwear! // Badetøy i store størrelser!

Hissyfit - Like their tagline says, "'cus it's not your body, it's your clothes that suck". // Som mottoet deres sier: "'cus it's not your body, it's your clothes that suck".

jibri - Just in case you haven't already heard of them ... // Bare i tilfelle du ikke allerede har hørt om dem...

Love To Love You - I first heard about this shop through the lovely Lilli's blog, Frocks & Frou Frou. // Jeg hørte først om denne butikken gjennom Frocks & Frou Frou, bloggen til den vakre Lilli.

Gloomth - "Modern mourning attire and romantic frills for decadent souls"

Glamarita - Incredibly innovative, usually with incredibly beautiful results. // Utrolig kreativt, som regel med et utrolig vakkert resultat.

such moonshiners - Vintage clothes in larger sizes, with occasional smaller items available. // Vintage klær i større størrelser, med noen mindre størrelser sporadisk tilgjengelig.

Last, but not least: // Sist, men ikke minst:

skindura - I haven't tried their Secret Shield Anti Chafing Stick myself, but several people around the Fatosphere swear by this product as a chub rub cure. // Jeg har ikke selv prøvd deres "Secret Shield Anti Chafing Stick", men flere mennesker rundt omkring i fett-o-sfæren sverger til den som en kur mot smertefull lårgnissing.

I want you to love your body.

2011-09-15T16:03:00.001+02:00

A lot of the time, when I climb atop my Fat Acceptance soapbox, I feel like people give me the side-eye. They wonder, "Why is she telling me this? Is she only saying this because she wants an excuse not to diet? What does she want from me?" The answer is: I want you to love your body. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.
Now, you may have really poor eyesight, or be deaf in one ear, or need a wheelchair to get from one room to the other. Some of you will see it as flaws, and some of you will not. But no matter how much fat your body consists of, your fat does not make your body wrong. Just as there is no right body, there is no wrong body. Diets don't work, so the size your body is right now, is exactly the size it is supposed to be.
Knowing this, you have two choices: You can choose to spend the rest of your life fighting your body, despising it for not complying with your wish to be smaller, and still almost certainly either grow larger or remain the size you are now. Your other choice is to stop fighting, and to start loving yourself. You can say FU to society when it tells you your thighs are too large, or your wobbly bits are disgusting, and you can take the "if you can't fight 'em - join 'em" approach. You can look around, and see the beauty in yourself and others, in stead of seeing the imperfections according to whomever taught you what is acceptable and what isn't.
That is what I want from you, and for you. I want you to love your body. I want you to feel comfortable in swimwear at the beach, and in formalwear at a ball, and in workout clothes at the gym. I want you to be comfortable with yourself naked, and maybe even be comfortable naked with someone else. I want you to feel good about your body, because when you feel bad about it, it can be so much harder to take good care of it. I want you to pick clothes because you like them, and not because they hide whatever feature you've been told is too large or strange. I want you to love your body, because then you'll feel how amazing going swimming, dancing, or skiing can feel, in stead of how bad it feels to be ashamed of how you look doing these things. And I want you to love your body for the things it can do for you, for the wonderful places and people it's brought you to.

So tell me, how do you feel about your body today?

___________________________________________________________________________

Ofte, når jeg klatrer opp på Kroppsaksept såpekassa mi, føler jeg at folk ser skrått på meg. De undres: "Hvorfor forteller hun meg dette? Sier hun dette kun fordi hun ønsker seg en unnskyldning til ikke å slanke seg? Hva er det hun vil meg?" Svaret er enkelt: Jeg vil at du skal elske kroppe din. Jeg vil at du skal vite at det ikke er noe galt med deg.
Det kan hende at du har skikkelig dårlig syn, eller er døv på et øre, eller trenger rullestol for å komme deg fra et rom til et annet. Noen av dere vil se disse tingene som feil, andre ikke. Men uansett hvor mye fett kroppen din består av, gjør ikke fettet ditt kroppen din feil. Akkurat som det ikke finnes en riktig kropp, finnes det ikke en feil kropp. Slankekurer funker ikke, så strørrelsen kroppen din er akkurat nå, er akkurat den størrelsen den er ment å være.
Når du vet dette, har du to valg: Du kan velge å bruke resten av livet ditt på å slåss mot kroppen din, avsky den for at den ikke føyer seg etter ditt ønske om å være mindre, og allikevel nesten helt sikkert enten bli større eller forbli den størrelsen du er nå. Det andre valget ditt er å slutte å slåss, og å begynne å elske deg selv. Du kan gi samfunnet finger'n når det forteller deg at lårene dine er for store, eller at delene dine som disser er ekle, og du kan kan gå "hvis du ikke kan bekjempe dem - slutt deg til dem" veien. Du kan se deg rundt og se det vakre i deg selv og andre, i stedet for å se skavankene ifølge hvem det enn var som lærte deg hva som er akseptabelt og hva som ikke er det.
Det er det jeg vil deg, og det er det jeg ønsker for deg. Jeg vil at du skal elske kroppen din. Jeg vil at du skal føle deg komfortabel i badetøy på stranda, og i kveldsantrekk på ball, og i treningsklær på treningsstudioet. Jeg vil at du skal være komfortabel med deg selv naken, og kanskje til og med komfortabel naken med andre. Jeg vil at du skal trives med kroppen din, fordi når du ikke trives med kroppen din kan det være så mye vanskeligere å ta godt vare på den. Jeg vil at du skal velge klær fordi du liker dem, og ikke fordi de skjuler trekket du har blitt fortalt er for stort eller rart. Jeg vil at du skal elske kroppen din, fordi da vil du føle hvor utrolig deilig svømming, dansing og skigåing kan føles, i stedet for hvor fælt det kan føles å skamme seg over hvordan man ser ut når man gjør disse tingene. Og jeg vil at du skal elske kroppen din for tingene den kan gjøre for deg, for de fantastiske stedene og menneskene den har brakt deg til.

Så fortell meg, hvordan har du det med kroppen din i dag?

Et annerledes Norge

2011-09-13T01:46:00.000+02:00

Kommentar fra forfatteren: Dette innlegget ble skrevet den 29. juli, men har av forskjellige grunner ikke blitt publisert før nå.

Note from the author: This post was written on 29 July, but has, for various reasons, not been published before now.

Et annerledes Norge.

Jeg har ikke skrevet her på en liten stund, og jeg føler det som umulig å komme tilbake hit uten å nevne tragedien vi har vært igjennom her i landet. Den 22. juli 2011 satte Anders Behring Breivik av en bombe i Oslo sentrum. Han fulgte opp denne sjokkerende handlingen ved å reise til Utøya og myrde 69 mennesker, de fleste av dem ungdommer. Mens jeg sitter og skriver dette, er ondskapen og hatet bak en slik handling umulig for meg å fatte. Med disse handlingene har Behring Breivik stått for det første voldelige angrepet på landet vårt på norsk jord siden andre verdenskrig. Det virker i dag åpenbart for meg at det som skjedde den fredagen har endret landet mitt for alltid. Forhåpentligvis har det, og vil det, endre seg til det bedre.

Uten at jeg har noen illusjoner om at mine tanker rundt dette er spesielt relevante eller interessante for andre enn meg selv, ønsker jeg å dele noe jeg tar med meg fra denne hendelsen. Hat er en farlig og skrekkinngytende følelse. Et hvilket som helst blikk kastet på menneskehetens historie, vil vise oss både at hat er en følelse vi mennesker nok alltid har følt, og at denne følelsen kan ha mer grufulle konsekvenser enn noe noen av oss kunne ha forestilt oss.
Anders Behring Breivik's intense hat av Arbeiderpartiet er i dag alt for tydelig. Å hate Anders Behring Breivik for det han har gjort er ikke unaturlig, og jeg har ikke noe ønske om å fortelle noen at de ikke skal føle det de føler. Allikevel bekymrer det meg at det er Facebook grupper dedikert til hatet av denne personen. Å oppmuntre hverandre i en slik følelse, og å skape grobunn for mer hat enn det som allerede eksisterer, kan ikke være en god ting. Å bli hatet kan selvfølelig være fælt, men å føle hat er ikke en positiv opplevelse det heller. Tanken på hvordan det norske samfunnet som jeg er en del av, ville sett ut i dag om dette angrepet hadde blitt utført av Al-Qaida eller en annen liknende isalm-basert terrororganisasjon gir meg frysninger på ryggen.
Anders Behring Breivik ser mennesker med kulturer som er fremmede for han og hater dem, han ser mennesker som aktivt arbeider imot hans uttalte politiske mål og hater dem. Anders Behring Breivik ser mennesker som hater vår vestlige kultur, og føler at hans hat er rettferdiggjort.

Røyken har lagt seg etter angrepet på landet vårt, på byen vår, og på verdiene både døde og levende har satt så høyt, og jeg sitter igjen med et inderlig ønske: La det endrede Norge være et land med mer kjærlighet, mer forståelse og mer åpenhet, og et land med mindre frykt, mindre eksklusjon, og, fremfor alt, med mindre hat.

___________________________________________________________________________

An Altered Norway

I haven't written on here for a little while, and it feels impossible to return without mentioning the tragedy this country has suffered through. 22 July 2011 Anders Behring Breivik detonated a bomb in downtown Oslo. He followed this shocking act by traveling to Utøya and murdering 69 people, most of them youths. Sitting here writing this, the evil and hatred behind acts like these seem impossible for me to understand. With these acts Behring Breivik have committed the first violent attack on our country on Norwegian soil since WWII. Today, it is obvious to me that what happened that Friday has changed my country forever.

Without any illusions that my thoughts on this subject are particularly relevant or interesting to anyone other than myself, I wish to share something I bring with me from this event. Hatred is a dangerous and terrifying emotion. Any glance at all on the history of humantiy will show us that hatred is a feeling we humans have probably always felt, it will also show us that this feeling can have consequences more horrific than any of us could have imagined.
The intense hatred of Anders Behring Breivik towards the Labor Party is all too clear today. Hating Anders Behring Breivik for what he's done is not unnatural, and I harbor no wish to tell anyone not to feel what they're feeling. Still it worries me that there are Facebook Groups dedicated to the hatred of this person. Encouraging eachother in such a feeling, and creating an environment that fosters further growth of this feeling, cannot be a good thing. Being hated, is, of course, usually aweful, but feeling hatred is no positive experience either. The thought of how the Norwegian society which I am a part of would look like today if this attack had been the work of Al-Qaeda or another similar Islam-based terror organization quite frankly gives me chills.
Anders Behring Breivik sees people of different cultures and hates them, he sees people who are actively working against his political goals and hates them. Anders Behring Breivik sees people who hate our Western society, and feels that his hatred is justified.

The smoke has settled after the attack on our country; on our city;, and on the values the dead and the living alike have cared so much about, and I am left with a fervent wish: Let the altered Norway be a country of more love, more understanding, and more openness, and a country of less fear, less exclusion, and, above all, of less hatred.

Diets don't work

2011-06-23T23:18:00.000+02:00

Diets don't work. A controversial statement if ever I wrote one. Yet, as one of the backbones of Fat/Size Acceptance, it is touted all over the Fatosphere. And just to be clear, we're not just talking about Atkins, or a cabbage diet, or stuff like that. No, we mean all diets, including 'lifestyle changes'. There is a small exception of 10-20 pounds that one can lose and probably not gain it back, but that's it. Around the Fatosphere the most quoted numbers I see, is 95-98% of all dieters gain the weight back within five years. Personally, I like to err on the conservative side, and usually say 95%. So I thought I'd ... well, back that s**t up. I've tried to use sources that neither encourage weight loss, nor Fat Acceptance.

Diets
Don't
Work*

As Rachel of The-F-Word.org puts it:

"Trust me. If some virtuoso discovers that enchanted unicorn horn dust will magically whittle our waistlines, he/she would be hailed as a global fat-fighting hero, invited to the White House for a few cold ones (all lite, of course), awarded the Nobel Prize amidst international fanfare and be secretly masturbated to by MeMe Roth. Insurance companies everywhere would cover these miracle pills in full without reserve; they’d be added to the water supply with fluoride and the government would pass them out like candy. But as the old adage cautions us, if it’s too good to be true — and it’s peddled by spam-mongers — it probably is."

We're so indoctrinated to believe we can change our weight if only we do the right things, that something like this can be very diffiult to take in. I didn't believe it. Sure, I read it, and I didn't exactly think these people were lying to me, it was just such a foreign concept to me that my brain sort of rejected it. Until I read Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon, PhD. This is The Book, people. The book that explains weight gain and loss; the book that encourages you to develop a healthy relationship with your body, food, and movement. No matter what size you are.

I'll end this post how I opened it, by telling you this: Diets don't work.

*Do a word search (Ctrl+f) for 'Effectiveness of Obesity Treatment'.
___________________________________________________________________________

Slankekurer funker ikke. En kontroversiell uttallelse om jeg noen gang har skrevet en. Allikevel, som en av grunnstenene i kroppsaksept, blir det gjentatt og gjentatt utover hele fett-o-sfæren. Og bare så det er klart, vi snakker ikke bare om Fedon, eller kåldietten, eller andre av den typen dietter. Nei, vi mener alle slankekurer, inkludert "livsstilsendringer"'. Det er et lite unntak på 4,5-9kg som man kan gå ned og mest sannsynlig ikke gå opp igjen, men det er det. De numrene jeg ser mest sitert rundt omkring i fett-o-særen, er 95-98% av alle slankere har gått opp like mange kilo som de gikk ned etter fem år. Personlig liker jeg å være litt konservativ, og sier som regel 95%. Så jeg tenkte jeg skulle backe opp uttalelsene mine med fakta. Jeg har prøvd å bruke kilder som ikke oppmuntrer til hverken vekttap, eller kroppsakept.

Slankekurer
Funker
Ikke*

Som Rachel av The-F-Word.org uttrykker det:

"Tro meg. Om et eller annet geni oppdager at fortryllet støv fra enhjørning horn på magisk vis kutter ned midjemålene våre, vil han/hun bli hyllet som en global fett-kjempende helt, bli invitert på et par øl (light selvfølgelig) i det Hvite Hus, bli tildelt en Nobelpris blant internasjonal fanfare, og i hemmelighet bli masturbert til av MeMe Roth. Overalt vil forsikringsselskaper dekke disse mirakel pillene uten egenandel, de hadde blitt tilført vannlagrene sammen med fluor, og myndighetene hadde delt dem ut som godteri. Men som det gamle ordtaket advarer oss; om det virker for godt til å være sant - og det pushes av junkmail salgsfolk - er det mest sannsynlig det."

Vi er så indoktrinert til å tro at vi kan forandre på vekta vår om vi bare gjør de riktige tingene, at informasjon som dette kan være vanskelig å ta til seg. Jeg trodde ikke på det. Joda, jeg leste det, og jeg trodde jo ikke akkurat at disse menneskene løy til meg, det var bare det at det var et så utrolig fremmed konsept for meg at hjernen min på en måte avviste det. Til jeg leste "Health At Every Size" av Linda Bacon, PhD (jeg vet, bacon, hvor morsomt er det?) Dette er Boka med stor B, folkens. Boka som forklarer vektøkning og -tap, boka som oppmuntrer deg til å utvikle et sunt forhold til din egen kropp, og til mat og bevegelse. Uansett hvilken størrelse du er.

Jeg avslutter dette innlegget som jeg startet det, med å fortelle deg dette: Slankekurer funker ikke.

*Gjør et ord søk (Ctrl+f eller Ctrl+b) etter "Effectiveness of Obesity Treatment".

What happened while I wore a green skirt

2011-06-21T10:38:00.001+02:00

I want to tell you a little story about something that happened to me while I was wearing the outfit displayed below. I don't know if it was the fatness, or the really green skirt, or the really red hair that did it, but on that day I was very visible. Here in Norway it is considered impolite to stare at someone, or even to look for more than a couple of seconds, which makes it that much more of a big deal when you do get stared at. Now, part of why I dress the way I do is because I want to stand out, but because of this norm I am still not used to actually being stared at.

Jeg vil fortelle deg en liten historie om noe som hendte meg da jeg hadde på meg antrekket som er vist under. Jeg vet ikke om det var feitheten, eller det veldig grønne skjørtet, eller det veldig røde håret, men den dagen var jeg veldig synlig. Deler av grunnen til at jeg kler meg som jeg gjør er at jeg ønsker å skille meg ut, men selv om jeg er vant med at folk ser er jeg allikevel ikke vant til ordentlig stirring.

I was sitting on the tram on my way to my parents' house, and pretty much as soon as I stepped off in downtown Oslo I knew it was going to be a high visibility day. I walked into the nearby train station, and as I was walking along one of the platforms I saw two boys of around 14-15 sitting on a bench up ahead. If there is any one group that is collectiviely known for making fat girls and women (and fat people of other genders?) feel bad about themselves it is teenage boys, so when they caught sight of me in a very obvious way I wasn't really surprised. As I walked past them one of the boys nudged the other, and said, "Look at that ...". Here I should explain that 'that' or 'det' in Norwegian does not refer to people (unless you're calling a person 'it'), but apart from that, since I didn't hear the end of the sentence, I don't know what it was he wanted his friend to see. At any rate, in a country where staring is considered impolite, I'm sure you realize that commenting on someone's appearance loudly enough for them to hear it, is very uncommon.
Passing a small group of people that had been obstructing my view, I suddenly realized that these boys were not alone, as what looked like half their junior high class was just ahead of me. Walking past these 'youngsters' the staring was pretty obvious. I walked a little further down the platform to an empty bench, sat down and contemplated my feelings. I wasn't feeling all that good to be honest with you. For a moment the joy of dressing in clothes I like and feel good in, without any thought to what others might think when they see me, just didn't seem worth it. Then I glanced back the way I'd come, and saw a fellow fatty standing on the platform. She was probably around 20, and wearing a cute outfit. This may have been the most confident young woman in the world, but she did not look it. In fact, from my limited perspective, she seemed to radiate insecurity. And then I thought, "Well, at least I passed those kids first." And then ... all the bad feelings went away. Because maybe, by the time she passed by, they had gotten it out of their system, and I would much rather they stared and talked about me, than someone who didn't seem all that confident to begin with. This is part of what I'm trying to do after all, normalizing fat bodies so that maybe one day a fat person won't be something to be stared at, but a person like anyone else.

Jeg satt på trikken på vei hjem til foreldrene mine, og nesten med en gang jeg gikk av på holdeplassen ved Oslo S visste jeg at det kom til å være en høy synlighetsdag. Jeg gikk inn på togstasjonen, og mens jeg gikk langs en av platformene så jeg to gutter på rundt 14-15 som satt på en benk litt foran meg. Om det finnes en gruppe som kollektivt er kjent for å få feite jenter og kvinner (og feite folk av andre kjønn?) til ikke å ha det godt med seg selv er det tenåringsgutter, så da de fikk øye på meg på en veldig åpenbar måte var jeg ikke akkurat overrasket. I det jeg går forbi dem dytter den ene gutten borti den andre, og sier: "Se på det..." Jeg hørte ikke slutten på setningen, så jeg vet ikke hva det var han ville kompisen skulle se, men bare det at han kommenterte høyt nok til at jeg kunne høre det er en spesiell opplevlse for meg.
Jeg gikk videre, og idet jeg, en meter eller to lenger fremme, passerte en liten gruppe mennesker som hadde blokkert utsynet mitt, gikk det opp for meg at disse gutta ikke var alene, nei det så faktisk ut til at halve ungdomsskole klassen deres satt bare noen meter foran meg. Da jeg gikk forbi disse ungdommene var stirringen ganske åpenbar. Jeg gikk litt videre ned platformen til en ledig benk, satte meg ned, og tenkte over følelsene mine. For å være ærlig følte jeg meg ikke så spesielt bra. I det øyeblikket føltes ikke egentlig gleden ved å kle meg i klær jeg liker og føler meg bra i, uten tanke for hva andre kan kommer til å tenke når de ser meg, verdt det. Men så kastet jeg et blikk tilbake den veien jeg hadde kommet, og så en med-tjukkas på platformen. Hun var rundt 20, og kledd i et søtt antrekk. Nå er det mulig at denne unge kvinnen har bøttevis med selvtillit, men det var ikke sånn hun så ut. Fra mitt begrensede perspektiv, så hun ut til å utstråle usikkerhet. Og så tenkte jeg: "Vel, jeg passerte ihvertfall de ungdommene først." Og så... ble alle de negative følelsene borte. Fordi det kan hende at de hadde fått det verste ut av systemet før hun gikk forbi dem, og jeg vil mye heller at de stirret og snakket om meg, enn noen som ikke virket som hun hadde noe særlig selvtillit i første omgang. Dette er jo tross alt en del av det jeg jobber for, å normalisere feite kropper, slik at en dag en dag en feit person ikke vil være noe å stirre på, men en person som alle andre.

So this is Auntie Veronica's tip of the day, kids: If you're having a bad day, and the temptation to stop living FA and just blend in is tearing at you, remember that you're not just doing it for yourself, and maybe then you'll find the strength to carry on.

Så dette er dagens tips fra Tante Veronica: Om du har en dårlig dag, og fristelsen til å slutte å leve kroppsaksepterende og bare skli inn i mengden sliter i deg, husk at du ikke bare gjør det for deg selv, og kanskje du da vil finne styrken til å fortsette å kjempe.

OOTD: Green-eyed gypsy girl

2011-05-28T17:59:00.000+02:00

Thanks to my parents for taking the pictures, and for putting up with me blaming them for my unphotogenic-ness!
Takk til foreldrene mine for at de tok bildene, og for at de holdt ut med meg da jeg ga dem skylda for min ufotogenhet!

Outfit details:

Cropped jeans jacket: Zizzi EU46/48

White tank top: evans UK18

Belt: Zizzi

Wedges: Økonomisko

'fat' necklace: definatalie

Glasses: Oliver Peoples via Ses Optikk

Skirt: Bought from the lovely dearrose via a Fatshionista! sales post

Antrekket består av:

Olajake: Zizzi EU46/48

Hvit topp: evans UK18

Belte: Zizzi

Kilehæler: Økonomisko

"fat" kjede: definatalie

Briller: Oliver Peoples via Ses Optikk

Skjørt: Kjøpt fra den kjempesøte dearrose via en Fatshionista! sales post

Bonus picture! Because apparently this is what I do when a camera is pointed at me.
Bonus bilde! Fordi dette tydeligvis er det jeg gjør når noen peker på meg med et kamera.

Thin privilege checklist

2011-05-21T17:20:00.000+02:00

I can be sure that people aren’t embarrassed to be seen with me because of the size of my body.
If I pick up a magazine or watch T.V. I will see bodies that look like mine that aren’t being lampooned, desexualized, or used to signify laziness, ignorance, or lack of self-control.
When I talk about the size of my body I can be certain that few other people will hope they are never the same size.
I do not have to be afraid that when I talk to my friends or family they will mention the size of my body in a critical manner, or suggest unsolicited diet products and exercise programs.
I will not be accused of being emotionally troubled or in psychological denial because of the size of my body.
I can go home from meetings, classes, and conversations and not feel excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped, or feared because of the size of my body.
I never have to speak for size acceptance as a movement. My thoughts about my body can be my own with no need for political alliance relative to size.
I can be sure that when I go to a class, or movie, or restaurant that I will find a place to sit in which I am relatively comfortable.
I don’t have to worry that if I am talking about feeling of sexual attraction people are repelled or disgusted by the size of my body. People can imagine me in sexual circumstances.
People won’t ask me why I don’t change the size of my body.
My masculinity or femininity will not be challenged because of the size of my body.
I can be sure that if I need medical or legal help my size will not work against me.
I am not identified by the size of my body.
I can walk in public with my significant other and not have people double take or stare.
I can go for months without thinking about or being spoken to about the size of my body.
I am not grouped because of the size of my body.
I will never have to sit quietly and listen while other people talk about the ways in which they avoid being my size.
I don’t have to worry that won’t be hired for a job that I can do because of the size of my body.

Source: fatshadow.com

Privileier man nyter som ikke-feit person

Jeg kan være sikker på at folk ikke er flaue over å bli sett sammen med meg på grunn av størrelsen min.
Om jeg leser et blad eller ser på TV kommer jeg til å se kropper som ser ut som min, som ikke er gjort om til en spøk, fratatt seksualiteten, eller brukt som et tegn på latskap, uvitenhet, eller manglende selvkontroll.
Når jeg snakker om størrelsen på kroppen min kan jeg være sikker på at få andre mennesker håper de aldri blir like store.
Når jeg snakker med dem, trenger jeg ikke å være redd for at venner eller familie kommer til å nevne kroppsstørrelsen min på en kritisk måte, eller uoppfordret foreslå slankeprodukter og treningsprogrammer.
Jeg kommer ikke til å bli anklaget for å ha følelsesmessige problemer, eller å drive med psykologisk fornektelse på grunn av kroppsstørrelsen min.
Jeg kan gå hjem fra møter, skoletimer, og samtaler og ikke føle meg ekskludert, engstelig, angrepet, isolert, i undertall, at jeg ikke ble hørt, holdt på avstand, tildelt stereotype egenskaper, eller fryktet på grunn av kropsstørrelsen min.
Jeg trenger aldri å snakke for kroppsaksept bevegelsen. Mine tanker om min egen kropp kan forbli mine egne uten noe behov for å alliere meg sosialpolitisk angående størrelse.
Jeg kan være siker på at når jeg går til en time, eller på kino eller restaurat kommer jeg alltid til å finne et sted å sitte hvor jeg er realtivt komfortabel.
Om jeg snakker om følelser av seksuell tiltrekning trenger jeg ikke å bekymre meg for at størrelsen på kroppen min gjør at folk føler seg kvalme eller støtt. Folk klarer å se meg for seg i seksuelle situasjoner.
Folk kommer ikke til å spørre meg om hvorfor jeg ikke forandrer kroppsstørrelsen min.
Maskuliniteten eller femininiteten min blir ikke utfordret på grunn av kroppsstørrelsen min.
Jeg kan være sikker på at størrelsen min ikke kommer til å motarbeide meg om jeg trenger medisink eller rettslig hjelp.
Jeg blir ikke identifisert ved kroppsstørrelsen min.
Jeg kan bevege meg i det offentlige rom med partneren min uten at folk må titte en ekstra gang eller stirrer.
Jeg kan gå i månedsvis uten å tenke på, eller bli snakket til om, kroppsstørrelsen min.
Jeg blir ikke satt i bås på grunn av kroppsstørrelsen min.
Jeg kommer aldri til å måtte sitte stille å høre på mens andre mennesker snakker om måtene de unngår å bli min størrelse på.
Jeg trenger ikke å bekymre meg for at jeg ikke kommer til å bli ansatt i en jobb jeg er kvalifisert til på grunn av størrelsen på kroppen min.

Kilde: fatshadow.com

Dagens Antrekk: Global oppvarming, du behandler meg så pent!

2011-05-21T17:12:00.000+02:00

Jeg har gått igjennom dette om og om igjen i hodet mitt, har jeg lyst til å begynne med Dagens Antrekk, eller "Outfit Of The Day", innlegg? Gjør jeg meg ikke sårbar når jeg setter et ansikt til navnet? Jeg er ikke egentlig så veldig opptatt av klær, så hvorfor tror jeg at noen er interessert i hva jg kler meg i? Til slutt var det dette som avgjorde det for meg: Det er en grunn til at fete aktivister (Fat Activists) insisterer på at det er en radikal handlig å være feit ute i offentligheten. Feite mennesker blir kontinuerlig presset til å gjøre seg selv mindre synlige. Vi blir fortalt at det er ubehagelig å se på oss, og at om vi insisterer på å være medlemmer av verden utenfor ytterdøren vår, burde vi i hvert fall ha anstendighet nok til å kle oss i noe som gjør det enklere å overse oss. Jeg vil være med å kjempe mot dette! Og hvis det er sånn at jeg vil være med i kampen for økt synlighet for feite mennesker, må jeg jo være synlig (feit har jeg kontroll på). I tillegg til dette synes jeg bare ikke det er nok bilder av feite nordmenn og -kvinner der ute.

Jeg presenterer herved, mitt første antrekk for dagen:

Meg som viser frem dobbel, eh, tripplhaka, og vinker søtt/merkelig hallo.

Later som om jeg soler meg, og prøver å ikke le av poseringen min.

Myser mot fotografen min, som bestemte seg for at han var proff og tok bilder nedenifra.

Bonus bilde! Modell posering!
Alle bilder tatt av D.

Om meg:

Høyde: 168

Tyngde: Ca 114kg

Størrelse: 46/48 oppe, 48/50 nede

Alder: 25

Antrekket består av:

Topp: Forever21+

Jeggings: ASOS Curve

Solbriller: RayBan

Kilehæler: Økonomisko

Stroppeløs BH (som gnager): Bravissimo

Det er et par grunner til at jeg elsker dette antrekket. For det første så elsker jeg mønsteret, fargene og den gjennomsiktige blondedetaljen til denne toppen! Så mye liker jeg den, at jeg kjøpte den til tross for at jeg vanligvis skyr disse toppene som henger rett ned fra puppene som om de skulle ha prøvd å selge meg den siste Fedon boka. Inne i hodet mitt var det alltid meningen at denne toppen skulle kombineres med disse fantastiske ASOS Curve jeggingsene fra i fjor. Noe som bringer meg til hovedgrunnen til at jeg elsker dette antrekket; det bryter så mange regler! Bortsett fra min egen regel om denne typen topper, bryter det "feite jenter burde ikke bruke topper uten ermer" regelen, "feite jenter burde aldri bruke j/leggings" regelen, og "jeggings er ikke bukser (spesielt ikke om det er feite jenter bruker dem)!" regelen. I'm a rebel, people! Men alvorlig talt, det er fantastisk for meg å tenke på at på denne tiden i fjor hadde det ikke engang slått meg å kombinere en ermeløs topp og jeggings på denne måten, og til tross for dette var dette antrekket ansvarlig for en god del sprading i dag.

Så her har du mitt aller første Dagens Antrekk. Hva syntes du?

OOTD: Climate change, you treat me so well!

2011-05-16T10:29:00.001+02:00

I've gone over and over this; do I want to do Outfit Of The Day posts? Won't putting a picture to my name open me up to scary people? I'm not really that into clothes, so why would anyone care what I wear? In the end it comes down to this: There's a reason fat activists keep insisting it's a radical act just to be fat in public. Fat people are constantly pushed to make themselves less visible. We're told we're hard to look at, and if we insist on joining the world outside our front door, we should at least have the decency to wear something that will make it easier to not notice us. I want to fight against this! And, if I want to join the fight for fat visibility, I have to actually be visible (I've got fat down). In addition to this, I just don't think there are enough pictures of Norwegian fatties out there.

I present to you, my first OOTD:

Me, sporting the double, er, triple chin, and goofily/coyly waving hello.

Pretending to be sunbathing, and trying not to laugh at my posing.

Squinting at my photographer, who decided to go pro and take my picture from below.

Bonus picture! Model pose!
All photographs taken by D.

Om meg:
Height: 5'6"
Weight: Ca 255lbs
Size: 16/18 top, 18/20 bottom
Age: 25

What I'm wearing:

Top: Forever21+

Jeggings: Asos Curve

Sunglasses: RayBan

Wedge heels: Økonomisko

Strapless bra (that pinches): Bravissimo

There's a couple of reasons why I love this outfit. Firstly, I love the pattern, colors, and lace yoke on this top! So much, that I bought it despite the fact that I usually avoid trapeze tops like they're trying to sell me the latest fad diet book. And this top, in my mind, was meant to be paired with these amazing Asos Curve jeggings from last season. Which brings me to the main reason why I love this outift; it breaks so many rules! Apart from my own no trapeze tops rule, it breaks the 'fat girls shouldn't wear sleeveless tops' rule; the 'fat girls shouldn't wear j/leggings' rule; and the 'jeggings aren't pants (especially not on fat girls)!' rule. I'm a rebel, people! Seriously though, it's amazing to me to think that, this time last year, combining a sleeveless top and jeggings in an outfit like this wouldn't even have crossed my mind, and despite of this, today this outfit had me walking around just strutting my stuff.

So, that was my first OOTD. What did you think?

Internet shopping

2011-05-10T21:17:00.001+02:00

Da jeg var yngre, og fortsatt passet inn i størrelsene de fleste butikker selger, hadde jeg en dyp skepsis overfor netthandel (eller katalog handel, som jo var det vi holdt på med da). Det var vanskelig nok å finne underdeler som satt fint over sprettrumpa mi når jeg kunne prøve ting på, og de få gangene jeg eller Mamma handlet noe fra en katalog føltes det som om det i beste fall var 50/50 sjanse for at ting passet. Da jeg ble eldre og tyngre var jeg derfor helt overbevist om at netthandel ikke var noe for meg. Det var blitt rimelig mye vanskeligere å finne klær som passet fint i butikkene, så å kjøpe ting uten å ha prøvd dem på først hørtes ut som en skikkelig dårlig idé.

When I was younger, and still fit the sizes sold in most clothing stores, I felt deeply skeptical of online shopping (or catalogue shopping, which is what we actually did then). It was difficult enough finding bottoms that fit my bootylicious behind well when I could try stuff on, and the few times I or my mother bought something from a catalogue it felt like it was a 50/50 chance, at best, that things would fit well. So when I grew older and heavier I was completely convinced that online shopping wasn't for me. It had become markedly more difficult to find clothing that fit well in the stores; buying things without having tried them on first felt like a really bad idea.

Jeg husker ikke hva som foregikk oppe i hodet på meg den dagen jeg satte meg ned og gjorde et nettsøk etter klær i "plus sizes", men jeg husker sjokket jeg følte da jeg så hva som finnes der ute. Plutselig sto jeg overfor, noe som føltes som, et hav av muligheter! Vakre, kule, og edgy klær - i min størrelse! Jeg unner alle mine med-tjukkaser den lykken jeg følte, da det gikk opp for meg at jeg ikke lenger måtte ta til takke med den ene tingen butikken hadde som passet meg, og anledningen, som jeg ikke aktivt mislikte.

I don't recall what was going on in my head the day I sat down with my computer and did a seach for plus sized clothing, but I do remember the shock I felt when I saw what is out there. Suddenly I was standing in front of what felt like a sea of possibilities. Beautiful, trendy, and edgy clothing - in my size! The happiness I felt when I realized that I no longer would have to make due with the one thing the store carried that fit me, the occasion, and that I didn't actively dislike? I wish that feeling on all my fellow fatties!

Så dette innlegget er ment som både en inspirasjon, og en guide til de av dere som ikke har turt å ta steget. Inspirasjonen er i denne omgangen begrenset til de av dere som bruker kvinneklær, men tipsene gjelder alle. Først, inspirasjon:

So this post is meant as both an inspiration, and as a bit of a guide for those of you who have yet to take the plunge. The inspiration is limited to those of you who wear women's clothing this time, but the tips are for everyone. First, inspiration:

Nettshopping

Så, tips:

Ekstra kostnader som legges til av det norske tollvesenet (betales når man henter pakker på posten):
Når varene tilsammen koster mindre enn 200NOK:
Ingen ekstra kostnader.
Når varene tilsammen koster mindre enn 1000NOK:
25% moms + Ca kr 150 i gebyr.
Når varene tilsammen koster 1000NOK eller mer:
25% moms + Ca kr 315 i gebyr.
Link til valutakalkulator.

Pengebesparingstips:
De fleste nettbutikker gir deg rabattkupong i gave i løpet av en dag eller to om du skriver deg på mailinglista deres.
Om du handler fra USA og fraktkostnaden blir på $40 eller mer, lønner det seg å bruke JetCarrier (eller et liknende fraktselskap). To tips her: 1) Du trenger ikke forsikringen de tilbyr deg. 2) Bruk flyfrakt.
Link til en side hvor du kan finne rabattkuponger til mange, mange nettbutikker.
Her deler medlemmene av LiveJournal samfunnet Fatshionista tips om salg og rabattkuponger (gå til den siste kommentar siden).

Now, some money saving tips:
Most online stores will gift you a coupon within a day or two, if you sign up for their newsletter.
Here is a link to a site with coupons for many, many stores.
Here the members of the LiveJournal community Fatshionista share tips on sales and coupons (go to the last comment page).

Happy shopping!

I ♥ Nemi!

2011-03-09T02:52:00.000+01:00

PSA: hey, fat chick!

2011-02-13T02:23:00.000+01:00

Det er en blogg på tumblr som heter hey, fat chick! og du bare må følge med på den!! Jeg tilbragte over en time med å gå igjennom den her om dagen, og mens jeg satt der kunne jeg føle hjernen min skrede et steg videre på Fat Acceptance veien.
Jeg har på en måte blitt vant til bilder av dagens antrekk på tjukkaser gjennom Fatshionista LJ samfunnet og Fatshionista gruppen på flickr, og det skal sies at det er noe av det samme på hey, fat chick! Det er allikevel et klart hakk over på radikal-skalaen, og det hakket er et utrolig kult hakk! Inne i hjernen min gikk FA utfordringene mine fra: Jeg synes det er vanskelig å vise frem overarmene og knærne mine. Til: Jeg sliter med tanken på å bruke bikini. Et klart steg i riktig retning, er dere ikke enig?

definatalie's description: Outfit photo of me, fat and pale skinned, wearing a dark blouse with a pussy bow in a small floral print with hints of red, white and orange tucked into a black maxi skirt. I'm wearing some black cage sandals and carrying a black bag.

There is a blog on tumblr called hey, fat chick! and you just have to follow it!! I spent over an hour browsing through it the other day, and while I was sitting there I could feel my brain take a step further down the road to Fat Acceptance.
I've kind of gotten used to Outfit Of The Day pictures with fat folks in them, through the Fatshionista LJ comm and the Fatshionista group on flickr, and hey, fat chick! does have some of the same content. It is still a clear step up on the radical ladder, and that step is a really cool step! Inside my brain my FA challenges went from: It's difficult for me to show my upper arms and knees. To: I struggle with the thought of wearing a bikini. A definite move in the right direction, wouldn't you agree?

Weight loss secret.

2011-02-02T01:59:00.000+01:00

It took me a good long while to figure this out, so there's a chance what I'm about to tell you will be a new thought. If that is the case, try not to focus on how you didn't put it together before, but instead try to focus on the amazing job that has been done in repackaging this truth. The secret nobody tells you about all diets that actually result in (temporary) weight loss, is that what they all boil down to is ... starvation. That's it. If you want to lose weight, what you have to do is starve yourself.
You might look at this truth, and still want to diet. Starving oneself seems pretty drastic, but I know the desperation that can accompany fatness. You might look at your fat thighs, or your fat stomach, and feel disgusted. You might think no one should look like that. This, however, is where I have to stop you. Because, yes, it is quite possible you are okay with starving yourself. Maybe you're even okay with starving yourself while knowing that diets only work 5%-3% of the time, and that 50%-67% of the people who diet gain back more than they lost. But are you really okay with all the fat and chubby people in your life doing the same thing? Is it really okay for your friends and family to starve themselves? That's what you're saying, you see, when you say that no one should look like that. If you ask me, it's not okay. I especially don't think it's okay for children and teenagers to grow up thinking that starvation is their only choice. Now, watch this clip of the weigh-in from Huge (6:27-7:26), and tell me you don't feel the same.

Det tok meg ordentlig lang tid å finne ut av dette, så det er en viss mulighet for at det jeg er i ferd med å fortelle deg vil være en ny tanke for deg. Hvis dét er tilfellet bør du prøve å ikke fokusere på det at du ikke har kommet på denne tanken før, men heller fokusere på den fantastiske jobben som har blitt gjort for å kamuflere denne sannheten. Hemmeligheten ingen forteller deg om alle slankekurer som resulterer i (midlertidig) vekttap, er at det de faktisk består av er frivillig sulting. Intet mer og intet mindre. Hvis du ønsker å gå ned i vekt må du sulte deg for å oppnå det.
Du kan se på denne sannheten, og fortsatt ønske å slanke deg. Å sulte seg selv er ganske drastisk, men jeg kjenner til desperasjonen som kan følge med tjukkhet. Kanskje du ser på de feite lårene dine, eller den feite magen din, og føler avsky. Kanskje tenker du at ingen burde se sånn ut. Her er det jeg må stoppe deg. For det kan hende at du synes det er greit å sulte deg. Det kan til og med hende at du synes det er greit, mens du vet at slankekurer bare funker 3%-5% av tiden, og at 50%-67% av menneskene som slanker seg ender med å gå opp igjen mer enn de gikk ned. Men synes du virkelig det er greit at alle de feite og lubne menneskene i livet ditt gjør det samme? Er det virkelig greit for deg at familien og vennene dine sulter seg? For det er det du sier, skjønner du, når du sier at ingen burde se sånn ut. Spør du meg er det ikke greit. Spesielt synes jeg ikke det er greit om barn og unge vokser opp overbevist om at å sulte seg er deres eneste valg.
Se nå på dette klippet av innveiingen fra "Huge" (spesifikt 6:27-7:26), og fortell meg at du ikke føler det samme.

Tonight I needed a little inspiration

2011-01-23T02:38:00.001+01:00

Sometimes, to combat the constant onslaught of fat negativity from society at large, I am in dire need of an antidote. Some inspiration, if you will.

Tonight I found it at The Museum of Fat Love. Because as it turns out, your mother isn't right when she tells you no one will love you 'cause you're fat.

Noen ganger, for å bekjempe den konstante bombarderingen av fett-negativitet fra samfunnet generelt, har jeg et desperat behov for en motgift. Litt inspirasjon, om du vil.

I kveld fant jeg det på "The Museum of Fat Love" (Museumet for feit kjærlighet). Fordi det faktisk viser seg at mora di ikke har rett når hun sier at ingen kommer til å elske deg fordi du er feit.

♫ Raise Your Glass ♫

2011-01-14T21:58:00.000+01:00

To: The People Who Are Wrong - In All The Right Ways
From: P!nk

FA =/= HAES

2011-01-13T21:53:00.000+01:00

I read so many blogs where Fat Acceptance (FA) is written about almost as though it is interchangable with Health At Every Size (HAES), so I thought I should state it loud and clear here:

FA does not equal HAES

Fat Acceptance is for everyone. Fat Acceptance is about respecting the choices others make for their own bodies, and expecting others to respect the choices you make for yours. Fat Acceptance is saying that every body is a good body. Health At Every Size, in case you don't know, is a philosophy that urges people to eat intuitively and to move their bodies because it feels good (during or after). HAES tells us that the amount of fat we carry, is not what determines whether we are healthy or not. So, Fat Acceptance is not the same as HAES. The Fat Acceptance movement will not revoke your membership card no matter what you eat or how often you (don't) exercise. We're clear? Good! I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

__________________________________________________________________________

Jeg leser så mange blogger hvor Fat Acceptance (FA) er skrevet om som om det og Health At Every Size (HAES) er to alen av samme sak, så jeg vil si det klart og tydelig her:

FA er ikke lik HAES

Fat Acceptance er for alle. Fat Acceptance handler om å respektere valgene andre tar angående sine egne kropper, og å forvente at andre respekterer de valgene du tar angående din egen. Fat Acceptance er å mene at alle kropper er gode kropper. Health At Every Size, i tilfelle du ikke vet det, er en filosofi som oppmuntrer mennesker til å spise på en intuitiv måte, og til å bevege kroppene sine fordi det føles godt (underveis eller etterpå). HAES forteller oss at mengden fett vi bærer på, ikke er det som avgjør som vi er sunne eller ikke. Så, FA er ikke det samme som HAES. Fat Acceptance bevegelsen kommer ikke til å ta tilbake medlemskortet ditt uansett hva du spiser eller hvor ofte du (ikke) trener. Alt klart? Bra! Jeg føler meg allerede bedre nå som jeg har fått dette av hjertet.

You are good enough

2011-01-04T22:53:00.000+01:00

You are good enough.

You are good enough for life.

You are good enough to be loved.

You are good enough to love.

You are good enough for sex.

You are good enough not to have sex.

You are good enough for food.

You are good enough for the gym.

You are good enough for however many 'lazy days' you want.

You are good enough to speak.

You are good enough to be heard.

You are good enough for respect.

You are good enough to afford to be respectful.

You are good enough to deserve to cry and feel pain.

You are good enough to deserve to laugh and be happy.

You're human. You're not perfect. But you're good enough.

Du er bra nok.

Du er bra nok for livet.

Du er bra nok til å bli elsket.

Du er bra nok til å elske.

Du er bra nok for sex.

Du er bra nok til ikke å ha sex.

Du er bra nok for mat.

Du er bra nok for treningsstudioet.

Du er bra nok for så mange "late dager" du ønsker deg.

Du er bra nok til å tale.

Du er bra nok til å bli hørt.

Du er bra nok for respekt.

Du er bra nok til å ha råd til å vise respekt.

Du er bra nok til å fortjene å gråte, og føle smerte.

Du er bra nok til å fortjene å le, og være lykkelig.

Du er menneskelig. Du er ikke perfekt. Men du er bra nok.

Today's inspiration was http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com // Dagens inspirasjon kom fra http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com

"You start wanting it."

2010-12-29T22:50:00.000+01:00

Most of you will probably remember the much lamented TV show Huge. For those of you who don't, it was a show about a group of teenagers at 'fat camp'. Alongside the usual teenagery type stuff, it dealt with themes of fatness and other types of otherness, and did so with amazing insight, finesse and perspective. It was while I was watching the first episode of Huge, that I first heard a feeling I'd been feeling for a long time put into words.
As I might have mentioned before, I have never had an eating disorder, but I do have a rather long history of disordered eating. One of the ways my eating is disordered, is my response to this feeling I get when I'm hungry. My stomach is aching from emptiness, and, in stead of heading for the kitchen, I stay put. Why? Good question.

Just so it's said, I don't feel like I'm being 'good' when I'm doing this (good in the way you feel when you're on a diet and you're sticking to it). Although with this many years of dieting, it's completely possible this way of thinking and feeling has been absorbed by my subconscious to such a degree that it's telling me I'm being good anyway. I've never been able to properly pin down this feeling, even to myself, which is why this little scene below was such a revolutionary moment for me. Because there it was, a charater on TV (Amber, top bunk) talking about this exact feeling. Suddenly the feeling was out there, entirely tangiable, and as soon as I was able to pinpoint the feeling, something became all too apparant. Before I go on, please (skip to 6:22 and) watch.

As some of you will know, TV series about, or with a cast of, fat people is a risky thing if you're fat and don't want to hate yourself. If this is news to you, please take a moment to think about the shows you know with fat people*. Do any of them make it seem like being fat is okay? I'm not even going for good here. Can you name a show where fat people aren't A) more or less tortured, B) ridiculed, or (and this is the 'kind' alternative) C) pitied? Didn't think so. All of this to illustrate what a downright shock it was, to be watching TV and to actually gain some insight into this aspect of myself. Amber is right, you see, you start wanting it. 'It' is a kind of high experienced when when you deprive yourself of food for a long enough time. And what became apparant was that I, like Amber, want it.
I feel like I should inject a caveat here. This is not a feeling I recommend chasing after as a means of losing weight. I have felt this feeling for years, and over the same years I have consistently done nothing but gain weight.

My best guess is that this high is a physiological response from our history as cave people. If, every time the cave people of a tribe experienced food scarcity, they couldn't find the energy to do anything much at all, much less hunt, then we would have died out a long time ago. If, in stead, they experienced a kind of high when they felt this kind of hunger, then their chances of survival would be much greater.

So if this is such a natural thing, then why is it a problem for me to be feeling it? It's not, of course, the problem is when you start wanting it. And that is why seeing this made such a big impact. Because I realized that I wanted it, that I chased after it like every other addict chasing after a fix.
So I guess this is for my fellow addicts. You are not alone in chasing after this feeling. I hope I won't be alone in trying to quit.

* If you couldn't think of any - which I wouldn't blame you for - are The Biggest Loser and Supersize vs. Superskinny two examples.

_________________________________________________________________________

De fleste av dere husker mest sannsynlig det høyt savnede TV programmet "Huge". For de av dere som ikke husker det var det et program om tenåringer på "fat camp". I tillegg til det vanlige stoffet om tenåringer taklet det temaer rundt tjukkhet og andre typer Annerledeshet, og det gjorde det med en utrolig mengde innsikt, eleganse og perspektiv. Det var mens jeg så på den første episoden av Huge, at jeg for første gang hørte en følelse jeg hadde kjent i lang tid bli satt ord på.
Som jeg kanskje har nevnt før har jeg aldri hatt en spiseforstyrrelse, men jeg har en lengre historie med forstyrret spising. En av måtene spisingen min er forstyrret på, er min reaksjon til følelsen jeg får når jeg er sulten. Magen min verker av tomhet, og i stedet for å sette nesa mot kjøkkenet blir jeg værende der jeg er. Hvorfor? Godt spørsmål.

Bare så det er sagt, jeg føler ikke at jeg er "flink" når jeg gjør dette (flink på den måten du føler deg flink når du er på slankekur, og holder deg til den). Men med så mange års slanking bak meg, er det fullstendig mulig at tankesettet og væremåten har trukket inn i underbevisstheten min til en så stor grad at den forteller meg at jeg er flink allikevel. Jeg har aldri klart klart å få oversikt over denne følelsen, ikke en gang på en slik måte at jeg kunne forklare den for meg selv, hvilket er grunnen til at denne lille scenen var slikt et revolusjonerende øyeblikk for meg. Der var det, en karakter på TV (Amber, øverste køye) som snakket om akkurat denne følelsen. Plutselig var den der, fullstendig håndfast, og i det jeg så hva denne følelsen var, var det noe som ble så alt for klart for meg. Før jeg fortsetter, vær snill å (hopp til 6:22 og) titt på dette.

Som noen av dere vet, er TV serier om, eller med, feite mennesker en risikabel ting om du er feit og ikke har lyst til å hate deg selv. Hvis dette kommer som en overraskelse på deg, ta deg et øyeblik og tenk på de TV seriene du vet om med feite mennesker*. Er det noen av dem som får det til å virke som om det å være feit kan være okay? Jeg snakker ikke om bra her. Kan du nevne én serie hvor feite mennesker ikke blir A) mer eller mindre torturert, B) latterliggjort, eller (og dette er det "snille" alternativet) C) sett på med medynk? Trodde ikke det, nei. Alt dette for å illustrere hvilket regelrett sjokk det var, å se på TV og å faktisk få innsikt inn i dette aspektet ved meg selv. Amber har rett, forstår du, man begynner å ønske seg det. "Det" er en type rush opplevd når man går uten mat i lang nok tid. Og det som ble slående klart, var at jeg, som Amber, vil ha det.
Jeg føler at jeg burde komme med en type "ikke prøv dette hjemme" advarsel her. Dette er ikke en følelse jeg abefaler å jage etter som et hjelpemiddel for vekttap. Jeg har opplevd denne følelsen i flere år, og over de samme årene har jeg konsekvent ikke gjort annet enn å gå opp i vekt.

Om jeg måtte gjette, ville jeg sagt det er en fysiologisk reaksjon fra vår historie som hulemennesker. Hvis mennesker hver gang vi opplevde matmangel ikke følte at vi hadde energi til å gjøre noe som helst, for ikke å snakke om energi til å jakte, da hadde vi dødd ut for lenge, lenge siden. Om de i stedet opplevde et slags rush da de følte denne slags sult vil jeg si sjansene deres for å overleve økte betraktelig.

Så hvis det er slik en naturlig ting, hvorfor er det sånn et problem at jeg føler det? Det er ikke det, selvfølgelig, problemet kommer når du ønsker deg den. Og dette er grunnen til at det som skjedde i denne scenen gjorde slikt et stort inntrykk. For jeg innså at jeg ville ha denne følelsen, at jeg jaktet etter den som enhver annen rusmisbruker jaktende på sitt neste støt.
Så dette blir visst til mine med-misbrukere. Du er ikke alene i å jakte etter denne følelsen. Jeg håper jeg ikke blir alene i mitt forsøk på slutte.

* Hvis du ikke kom på noen - hvilket jeg ikke ville synes var spesiet rart - er "Slankekrigen" og "Du er hva du spiser" to eksempler.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ...

2010-12-23T00:09:00.000+01:00

The holidays are upon us, and with them come the emotional minefields that make up the social gatherings of the season. We gather to celebrate with people we know anywhere from as well as anyone could possibly know anyone to not at all, all bringing with us our own baggage and the baggage that comes with the different relationships. The different expectations we feel weighing on us; the people we meet; the emphasis on food and drink; all these things can contribute to making the holidays a complicated, or even a downright bad, time. I am expecting to write a post on my own experiences during the holiday, wherein I will also invite you all to share your holiday experiences with me. For now, however, I direct your attention to Marianne Kirby and Lesley Kinzel's Fatcast episode named

Spending The Holidays With Your Family

It was made with Thanksgiving in mind, but since I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, and since I think it applies extremely well to other holidays as well, I am directing your attention to this most useful episode now.

Til mine norske lesere: I dette innlegget gjør jeg ikke egentlig noe annet enn å anbefale en podcast som er spilt inn på engelsk. Jeg regnet med at du ikke kommer til å høre på denne, om engelsken din ikke er slik at du kan lese dette innlegget på engelsk, og jeg har derfor ikke skrevet en norsk versjon.

ps. If you're alone this holiday season, and not because you want to be, please feel free to contact me through the email address mentioned in one of the boxes on the right. Any time is a good time to hear from any of my readers, but if I could not only hear from you, but help ease your burden, even just a little bit, I would feel privileged to hear from you! / Om du er alene under denne høytiden, uten at du ønsker være det, må du føle deg mer enn velkommen til å kontakte meg gjennom e-post adressen nevnt i en av boksene til høyre. Enhver tid er en god tid å høre fra hvilken som helst av leserne mine, men hvis jeg ikke bare fikk høre fra deg, men også kunne være til noen slags help, vil det føles som et privilegium å høre fra deg!

Sometimes others say it better

2010-12-20T00:30:00.001+01:00

Dear friends, readers, and d-bags who end up reading this in the hope that I'll go on to abuse fat people. Obviously I'm having some sort of writer's block, or inspiration block, so in order to dig myself out of this little hole, I am giving you a transcript of my own making, of the speech so beautifully delivered by Paul Vogt in Grey's Anatomy's season 6 episode 12 titled 'I like You So Much Better When You're Naked'. All credit goes to Tony Phelan and Joan Rater.

"Dr. Altman, I'm big. Too big. I don't fit in airplane seats, and, as Jeff is always telling me, my feelings don't always fit the situation. If my food is overcooked in a restaurant, I get enraged. I want to kill the waiter. But I don't; I politely ask him to take my meal back, and bring it to me the way I asked for it. I spend my days making myself smaller, more acceptable, and that's okay. Because at night, when I go on stage, I get to experience the world the way I feel it, with indescribable rage, and unbearable sadness, and huge passion. At night on stage I get to kill the waiter, and dance on his grave. And if I can't do that, if all I have left is a life of making myself smaller, then I don't want to live. I don't. He turns to his significant other. And, believe me honey, you don't want me to live."

Skam er et våpen du ikke har rett til å bruke

2010-11-14T18:53:00.000+01:00

Har du noen gang skammet deg? Ikke bare følt deg litt flau, men virkelig skammet deg. Gjorde du noe du visste du ikke burde gjøre, noe skikkelig, skikkelig dumt, og ble tatt på fersken av en du liker og respekterer? Fortalte du noen at du var forelsket i dem, og de reagerte med å le av deg? Måtte du gå den berømte "walk of shame", og, i stedet for å føle deg kul eller ironisk, følte du deg bare... skamfull? Uansett hva det var, vedder jeg på at du husker følelsen.

La meg gjette: Du rødmet så sterkt at varmen brant i kinnene dine. Uttrykket "Jeg skulle ønske et hull ville åpne seg og svelge meg hel" var plutselig ikke lenger bare en abstrakt idé for deg. Magen din sank så lavt, at du var redd du kom til å måtte sjekke kjelleren etter den på veiein ut. Kanskje du følte deg kvalm, eller til og med svimmlel. Tanken "Aldri igjen skal jeg være i en situasjon som denne" gikk på repeat inne i hodet ditt. Hvordan det enn føltes, skal jeg vedde på at du ønsket deg så langt vekk derfra som mulig. Jeg tror de fleste av oss ville følt det sånn, jeg tror de fleste av oss ville gjort MYE for å unngå å virkelig føle skam igjen.

"Slank deg, din tjukkas! Du er ekkel!"

Jeg undres på hvordan du følte deg, den dagen de to fyrene i en passerende bil ropte dette til deg. Jeg tror du kanskje hadde litt dårlig selvtillit i forlhold til kroppen din, kanskje du hadde følt det sånn en stund. Jeg tror allikevel ikke, at du i det øyeblikket gikk rundt og tenkte på hvilken "ekkel tjukkas" du var. Jeg vet at skammen skyller over deg som en tidevannsbølge. Du ser deg rundt, og innser at iallfall et par av menneskene som var i nærheten også hørte dem. Tårer stikker i øynene dine.
Kanskje det er dagen du bestemmer deg for å slanke deg.
Kanskje det går bra en stund. Du går ned i vekt, og folk gir deg komplimenter: "Du ser kjempebra ut, hva gjør du annerledes?"
"Du ser bra ut, har du gått ned i vekt?"
"Jeg ser du har gått ned i vekt, bra for deg!" Det føles helt utrolig godt!
Kanskje det ikke går så bra lenger. Kanskje, som iallfall 95% av de som slanker seg (inkludert slankekurene som er "livsstilsendringer"), du går opp i vekt igjen. Kanskje, som de fleste slankere, du ender opp feitere enn du var før du begynte å slanke deg. (Ikke det at du var så feit før, men du er det absolutt nå.)

Du leser en artikkel om skuespiller/regissør Kevin Smith som ble kastet av et fly for å være for feit. I kommentarene under artikkelen deler et stort antall mennesker "skrekkhistorier" om den gangen de var tvunget til å sitte gjennom en hel flygning med en illeluktende/stygg/svett/tjukk og feit tjukkas presset inntil dem.

Kanskje du begynner å lure på om du kan være for feit for flyet. Du var ikke for feit forrige gang du fløy, men du har gått opp i vekt siden det, og, nå når du tenker over det, så følte du deg ikke spesielt komfortabel forrige gang du var på et fly. Kanskje du begynner å tenke på hvor forferdelig grusomt det hadde vært, å være på et fly fullt av mennesker og bli kastet av for å være for feit. Kanskje det begynner å føles som om det ikke egentlig er verdt det å fly lenger.
Kanskje du begynner på en ny slankekur dagen etter.
Kanskje det går bra en stund. Du går ned i vekt igjen, og folk gir deg komplimenter igjen. Denne gangen føles det ikke like godt, for tenkt om du har for svak viljestyrke til å holde kiloene unna denne gangen også?
Kanskje det ikke går så bra lenger. Kanskje du går opp i vekt igjen. Kanskje du ender opp feitere enn du var før du begynte på den nye slankekuren. (Ikke det at du var så feit før, men du er det absolutt nå.)

Du er i et nytt forhold med en person du er forelsket i. Alt går bra, til en dag da de forteller deg at grunnen til at dere aldri går ut sammen, er at de skammer seg over å bli sett sammen med deg, og, forresten, kan du ikke gå ned i vekt?

Du ender forholdet. Men kanskje, hver gang du faller for en ny person, underbevisstheten din minner deg på hvordan det føltes å høre en person du er glad i fortelle deg at du ikke er bra nok. Kanskje underbevisstheten din er veldig effektfull i disse påminnelsene, og kanskje, uten at du merker det, du begynner å unngå forhold.
Kanskje du begynner på en ny slankekur.
Kanskje det går bra en stund. Du går ned i vekt, og igjen gir folk deg komplimenter.
Kanskje det ikke går så bra lenger. Kanskje du går opp i vekt igjen. Kanskje du ender opp feitere enn du var før du begynte på slankekuren din. (Ikke det at du var så feit før, men du er det absolutt nå.)

For å være ærlig, da jeg først tenkte på å skrive om skam som motivasjon, trodde jeg at jeg kom til å fortelle deg at det er et ubrukelig verktøy. Som jeg siden har innsett er ikke dette tilfellet i det hele tatt. Skam har evnen til å motivere en til mange, mange ting. Ja, ved å bruke skam mot noen kan man endre den personens liv på vesentlige måter. Hvilket er grunnen til, at selv om du har retten til talefrihet, er skam et våpen du ikke har rett til å bruke. For som med alle våpen, har det en veldig kapasitet for ødeleggelse, smerte og omveltning, og en meget begrenset kapasitet for noe annet. Så ikke plukk det opp engang, bare la det være, på den måten slipper du å gjøre noe du (burde) angre. Vi, de skamfulle, vil være deg dypt takknemlig.

Dette er mitt første gjeste innlegg på Oi With The Poodles Already, en kjempebra feminist blog du absolutt burde lese! Jeg føler meg beæret over at de ønsker at jeg skal skrive for dem!

Shame is a weapon you are not entitled to wield

2010-11-14T12:54:00.003+01:00

Have you ever been ashamed? Not just a little embarrassed, actually ashamed. Did you do something you knew you shouldn't have; something really, really stupid, and got caught by someone you like and respect? Did you tell someone about your huge crush on them, and have them respond by laughing at you? Did you have to walk the famous walk of shame, and unfortunately felt neither cool nor ironic, just ... ashamed? Whatever it was, I bet you remember the feeling.
Let me guess: You blushed so hard you felt your cheeks burn. The phrase, "I wish a hole would open up and swallow me whole" was suddenly no longer just an abstract idea. Your stomach dropped so low, you thought you might have to check the basement for it on your way out. Perhaps you felt nauseous, or even lightheaded. You had the thought, "I will never ever be in this situation again" running on repeat inside your head. However you felt, I bet you wanted to escape. I think most of us would want that, I think most of us would do a LOT to avoid feeling truly ashamed again.

"Go on a diet, fatass! You're disgusting!"

I wonder how you felt about yourself the day those two guys shouted this at you, from their passing car. I think you felt a little insecure about your body, maybe you had been feeling that way for a while. I don't think, however, that you were thinking about what a 'disgusting fatass' you were, right at that moment. I know the shame washes over you like a tidal wave; you look around and realize that at least a couple of people walking close by also heard them; the tears sting in your eyes.
Maybe that is the day you decide to go on a diet.
Maybe it goes well for a while. You're losing weight, and people are paying you compliments. "You're looking great, what are you doing differently?"
"You look good, have you lost some weight?"
"I see you've lost some weight, good for you!" It makes you feel good!
Maybe it's not going so well anymore. Maybe, like at least 95% of the people who go on diets (even the diets that are 'lifestyle changes'), you gain the weight back. Maybe, also like most dieters, you end up fatter than you were before you started dieting. (Not that you were actually that fat before, but you definitely are now.)

You're reading an article about actor/filmdirector Kevin Smith being kicked off a plane for being too fat. In the comments below the article, a large amount of people are sharing 'horror stories' about the time they had to sit through an entire flight with a smelly/ugly/sweaty/just plain fatty pressed up against them.

Maybe you start to wonder if you might be too fat for the plane. You weren't too fat the last time you flew, but you've gained weight since then, and, come to think of it, you did feel cramped the last time you were on a plane. Maybe you start thinking about how absolutely, terrifyingly awful it would be, to be on a plane full of people and to be kicked off it for being too fat. Maybe you begin to feel like flying might not even be worth it anymore.
Maybe you start a new diet the next day.
Maybe it goes well for a while. You're losing weight again, and people are paying you compliments again. This time you don't enjoy them as much though, because what if you're too weak willed to keep the weight off this time too?
Maybe it's not going so well anymore. Maybe you gain the weight back. Maybe you end up fatter than you were before you started this new diet. (Not that you were actually that fat before, but you definitely are now.)

You're dating a person you have a huge crush on. Everything's going well, until one day when they tell you the reason the two of you never go out, is that they're ashamed to be seen with you, and, by the way, won't you lose some weight?

You stop seeing them. But maybe, every time you fall for someone new now, your subconscious reminds you how it felt to have someone you care deeply for tell you, you aren't good enough. Maybe your subconscious is very effective in it's messaging, and maybe, without noticing it, you start shying away from relationships.
Maybe you start a new diet.
Maybe it goes well for a while. You're losing weight, and once again people are paying you compliments. Maybe it's not going so well anymore. Maybe you gain the weight back. Maybe you end up fatter than you were before you started your diet. (Not that you were actually that fat before, but you definitely are now.)

To be honest, when I first thought about writing of shame as a motivator, I thought I would be telling you it's a useless tool. As I've since realized, that is not true at all. Shame can motivate you to a great host of things. Indeed, shaming someone can have lasting effects on a persons life. Which is why, while you have the right to free speech (I hope), shame is a weapon you are not entitled to wield. Because, as with all weapons, it has a vast capacity for destruction, pain, and upheaval, and a very limited capacity for anything else. So don't even pick it up, just leave it be, and you won't end up doing something you (should) regret. We, the shamed, will be truly grateful to you.

This post is is my first guest post over at Oi With The Poodles Already, a great, feminist blog you should absolutely be reading! I am feeling completely honored that they wanted me to guest blog for them!

Fet shopping i Oslo-området

2010-11-13T11:47:00.001+01:00

Zizzi by Veronica featuring ZJ Leggings

For my non-Norwegian reading friends: This post is about plus size shopping in the Oslo area, and therefore probably not all that interesting to most of you. If you still want to read it, you can click here for a Google translated version. Feel free to contact me with any and all questions you may have.

For oss større kvinner (og andre som ønsker å kjøpe kvinneklær i større størrelser), kan shopping være en meget lite hyggelig opplevelse her i Norge. Dette er grunnen til at jeg tenkte jeg skulle dele et tips med de av dere som oppholder dere i Oslo-området: Strømmen Storsenter.
Strømmen Storsenter ligger i Støperiveien 5 på Strømmen, og er enkelt å komme seg til med bil, tog og buss. Grunnen til at jeg anbefaler dette senteret til dere, er at det er hele fire butikker hvor de selger klær i "plus sizes" der. Før du blir alt for entusiastisk til dette mekka for "tjukke butikker", må det nevnes at tre av disse butikkene kun har en avdeling med større størrelser. (Jeg vet, nedtur.) De fire butikkene/avdelingene er:

Zizzi - Str. 42-56
H&M - BB, eller Big is Beautiful, avdelingen går opp til str. 54
Lindex - Generous avdelingen går opp til str. 56
KappAhl - XLNT avdelingen går opp til str. 56

Det ligger også en spesialisert undertøysforretning ved navn Aud's på senteret, det kan være verdt det å titte inn der om du har problemer med å finne undertøy som passer.
Om du ikke har funnet det du trenger i disse butikkene, ligger Lillestrøm kun en kort tur unna. Der ligger Maxima Mote AS, med klær i størrelsene 42/44-54. Kun basert på mine oservasjoner, er klærne i denne butikken rettet mot en mer moden kundegruppe.

Jeg håper dette er til hjelp for noen av dere! Dersom du har fete shopping tips som du brenner etter å dele, er det bare å gjøre det i kommentarene!

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A Scene ...

2010-11-01T21:41:00.000+01:00

Trigger warning // Advarsel om utløsende innhold:
Below I write about dieting and disordered eating, and the struggle to quit these behaviors. // Under skriver jeg om slanking og forstyrret spising, og kampen for å slutte med denne typen oppførsel.

We open on a dimly lit room, filled with rows of chairs that are facing in the same direction. Most of the chairs are filled with people who are fat, to some degree or another, a small number of the chairs are filled with skinny people, and an even smaller number are vacant. As a peppy woman ends an opening statement, one of the fluorescents lighting the room blinks a couple of times, before seemingly deciding to go on shining a while longer. The peppy woman, who is facing the people in the chairs, rounds up her little speech with a question.
Peppy woman: Does anyone have anything to share?
The room is silent for a couple of short moments, and then a woman with lots of red, curly hair raises her arm. The peppy woman gestures to her, before taking her seat in the front row. The curly haired woman moves toward the front of the room, and now that she is upright we can all see that she is one of the many fatties present. She is dressed in green and black, has a slight blush to her cheeks, and seems to be fat in a figure eight shaped way. When she arrives at the front of the room she faces the small crowd, and gives a small smile before she starts speaking.
Curly haired woman: Hello, my name is Veronica, and I am a dieter.
Crowd: Hi Veronica!
Veronica: I haven't been to a meeting in a while, but I am here today, because last night I realized that I had fallen off the wagon.
She holds up her 1st day pin.
Veronica: It's the same old story I suppose; I was doing fine, the circumstances of my life changed, and suddenly I wasn't doing so fine any longer. The reason it took me a while to figure out what was going on, was that I honestly didn't do it to lose weight.
Some of the people in the crowd look skeptical, but seem to be convinced by her earnest expression.
Veronica: What I did, was that I fell back into my old pattern of eating. And that old pattern mounts up to diet behavior. I've decided to try harder this time to remember that this is difficult, and to attend meetings a lot more often.
As she mentions how difficult it it, a few the people in the crowd nod empathically.
Veronica: I wish it wasn't so difficult for me, you know? It seems kind of an idiotic thing to be struggling with; eating what, and as much as, my body needs. And ... it makes me angry. It makes me angry with myself, with some of the people in my life, and with society at large, for making it so hard for me to just love myself as I am! But I won't stop. No, I will not stop. And hopefully, one day when I stand in front of you, I'll be able to tell you that not feeding myself has stopped being my default behavior. She takes a steadying breath. Thanks for letting me share.
A smattering of applause follow her last sentence. The curtain falls.
__________________________________________________________________________

Vi åpner til et dunkelt belyst rom fylt med rader med stoler, som alle er vendt i den samme retningen. De fleste av stolene er fylt med mennesker som er feite i større eller mindte grad, et lite antall stoler er fylt med tynne mennesker, og et enda mindre antall er tomme. Idet en entusiastisk kvinne avslutter åpningsinnlegget sitt, blinker ett av lystoffrørene som lyser opp rommet et par ganger, før det tilsynelatende bestemmer seg for å fortsette å skinne en stund til. Den entusiastiske kvinnen som står vendt mot menneskene i stolene, avslutter den lille talen sin med et spørsmål.
Entusiastisk kvinne: Er det noen som har noe de vil dele?
Rommet er stille et par korte øyeblikk, og så rekker en kvinne med store mengder rødt, krøllete hår opp armen. Den entusiastiske kvinnen gestikulerer til henne, før hun setter seg ned i setet sitt på første rad. Kvinnen med det krøllete håret beveger seg mot enden av rommet, og nå som hun er oppreist kan vi alle se at hun er en av de mange tilstedeværende tjukkasene. Hun er kledt i grønt og svart, er lett lyserød i kinnene, og ser ut til å være en 8-talls formet tjukkas. Da hun er på plass i enden av rommet vender hun seg mot forsamlingen, og smiler et lite smil, før hun begynner å snakke.
Kvinnen med det krøllete håret: Hei, jeg heter Veronica, og jeg er en slanker.
Forsamling: Hei Veronica!
Veronica: Jeg har ikke vært på et møte på en stund, men jeg er her i dag, fordi i går gikk det opp for meg at jeg hadde falt av "vannvogna".
Hun holder opp 1. dags nålen.
Veronica: Det er vel den samme gamle historien: Det gikk bra med meg, så forandret omstendighetene i livet mitt seg, og plutselig gikk det ikke så bra med meg lenger. Grunnen til at det tok meg en stund å oppdage hva som foregikk, var at jeg helt ærlig ikke gjorde det for å gå ned i vekt.
Noen av menneskene som er tilstede ser skeptiske ut, men de ser ut til å bli overbevist av det åpne og ærlige uttrykket hennes.
Veronica: Det jeg gjorde, var at jeg falt inn i mitt gamle spisemønster. Og dette gamle spisemønsteret er det samme som slanking. Jeg har bestemt meg for å prøve hardere å huske at dette er vanskelig, og å gå på møter oftere.
Da hun nevner hvor vanskelig det er, er det noen av menneskene i forsamlingen som nikker anerkjennende.
Veronica: Jeg skulle ønske det ikke var så vanskelig for meg. Det virker som en så teit ting å ha problemer med; å spise det kroppen trenger, og så mye som den trenger. Og... det gjør meg sint. Det gjør meg sint på meg selv, på noen av menneskene i livet mitt, og på samfunnet generelt, for å bidra til at det føles så vanskelig for meg å elske meg selv slik jeg er! Men jeg kommer ikke til å slutte å prøve. Nei, jeg skal ikke slutte. Og forhåpentligvis kommer jeg en dag til å kunne stå foran dere, og helt ærlig fortelle dere, at det som føles nturlig for meg ikke lenger er å ikke gi meg selv mat. Hun trekker pusten dypt. Takk for at dere har latt meg dele.

Spredt applaus følger den siste setningen hennes. Teppet faller.

Fatty Sex Talk

2010-10-21T19:46:00.000+02:00

In case you aren't aware of it, The Rotund has put up a post called Fatties Have Sex; In Which I Fumble Around Trying To Initiate Frank Conversation. Oh, The Irony. There's so much stigma around fat people and sex, and this post and it's comments are well worth a read for anyone who has ever felt the effects of that.

I tilfelle du ikke er klar over det, har The Rotund skrevet et innlegg hun har kalt Fatties Have Sex; In Which I Fumble Around Trying To Initiate Frank Conversation. Oh, The Irony. (Tjukkaser har sex; hvor jeg snubler rundt og prøver å innlede en åpen og ærlig samtale. Ah, ironien.) Det er så sterk sosial stigma rundt det med feite mennesker og sex, dette innlegget og dets kommentarer er vel verdt å lese om du noen gang har følt resultatene av dette stigmaet.

How life wests and Fat Acceptance connect

2010-10-18T22:50:00.000+02:00

I am fat. I am many other things as well; female; Norwegian; an avid reader, all of these things describe me as a person, just as fat does. Which is why people who attack Fat Acceptance confuse and hurt me. Listen, the core of Fat Acceptance is easy, it's about acceptance of fat and fat people. Acceptance. It doesn't seem like so much to ask to me. Because what is the alternative? The interwebz tells me the opposite of acceptance is; refusal; rejection; disapproval.
Refusal is difficult, you can only live in denial for so long, and even then you can't actually refuse or deny your fat away.
Rejection, a tactic used by many a fat person. "I reject this fat, I reject this fat body!" As any person with a healthy body image will tell you, this is not the smartest tactic to adopt. You end up doing idiotic things like not going to the doctor when you're sick or hurt, or not eating when you're hungry, or not doing things that make you feel good, whether that is something basic like taking a shower or something more extravagant like getting a massage.
Disapproval is, of course, a widespread way of approaching one's own fat and fat body. Disapproval or it's more forceful counterparts loathing and downright hatred, is really not a fun way to feel about one's body or oneself. Actually, 'it is a truth universally acknowledged'* that we should love ourselves. We are encouraged to do this by everyone from glossy magazines to our mothers (I hope). And love is such a strong feeling, acceptance is a weakling compared to a feeling as strong as love. Really, loving something or someone without at least accepting it/them sounds pretty darn difficult. Maybe these requests to love yourself only applies unless you're fat, but I choose to belive that, that is not the case. And this is where we come full circle, because you can't tell me to love myself, and then attack me for being fat accepting. Fat Acceptance is not "an excuse to give up", as is sometimes claimed, it is the only way for fat people to live good lives. Indeed, sometimes it is the only way for fat people to live at all.

Jeg er feit. Jeg er mange andre ting også - kvinne, norsk, en ivrig leser - alle disse tingene beskriver meg som person, på samme måte som feit gjør det. Hvilket er grunnen til at jeg blir forvirret og såret når jeg støter på mennesker som angriper Fat Acceptance. Hør her, kjernen i Fat Aceptance er enkel, det handler om aksept av fett og feite mennesker. Aksept. Det virker ikke som for mye forlangt for meg. For hva er alternativet? Internett forteller meg at det mostatte av å akseptere noe er å avslå, avvise, vrake og vegre seg.
Å avslå fettet ditt eller din feite kropp er vanskelig. Joda, du kan fornekte at du er feit, men på ett eller annet tidspunkt funker ikke det lenger, og i mellomtiden var du allikevel feit.
Å avvise fettet eller ens feite kropp er, dessverre, en taktikk som brukes av mang en tjukkas. Men, som jeg tror enhver av dere som leser dette som har et nogenlunde greit forhold til deres egen kropp umiddelbart innser, å avvise sin egen kropp er ikke akkurat den sunneste veien å gå. Man ender opp med å gjøre idiotiske ting som å ikke gå til legen når man er syk eller såret, eller å ikke spise når man er sulten, eller å ikke gjøre ting som får deg til å føle deg bra, enten det er noe enkelt som å ta en dusj, eller noe mer ekstravagant som å gå og få en massasje.
En enda mer dramatsik versjon av å avvise fettet er å vrake det. Det virker unødvendig å forklare hvorfor det å vrake sin egen kropp ikke er en god idé, for uten en kropp kan man jo tross alt ikke leve.
Å vegre seg er igjen. Dette er, selvfølgelig, en utbredt følelse tjukkaser, og andre, føler ovenfor fett og feite kropper. Mange av oss tar det også et steg eller to videre, og ender opp med følelser som avsky eller hat. Ingen av disse følelsene er ønsket, om målet er gode borgere og/eller lykkelige mennesker. Og det virker som om dette er målet, for hvor jeg snur og vender meg ser jeg råd om hvordan jeg kan forbedre livet mitt, bli en bedre borger og et lykkeligere menneske. Et av rådene, og et som gjentas om og om igjen fra mange, mange forskjellige kilder, er: "Elsk deg selv!" Og kjærlighet er en utrolig sterk følelse, aksept er en pingle av en følelse sammenliknet med kjærlighet. Når man tenker over det, høres det å elske noe eller noen uten å i det minste akseptere det/dem relativt vanskelig ut. Kanskje disse oppfordringene til å elske en selv bare teller med mindre man er feit, men jeg velger å tro at det ikke er tilfellet. Her har vi sirklet tilbake til begynnelsen, for hvordan kan du be meg om å elske meg selv, for så å angripe meg for å være "Fat Accepting". Fat Acceptance er ikke "en unnskylding for å gi opp" som bevegelsen innimellom anklages for, det er den eneste måten for feite mennesker å leve gode liv. Ja, noen ganger er det den eneste måten for feite mennesker å leve.

Having written this, I want to tell you a little story about one of the ways Fat Acceptance has changed my life. Here in Norway it is quite a common occurence for people to own cabins in addition to their houses or apartments, and my family is no exception. Our cabin is located in a woodland surrounding, with a 5-10 minute walk to the ocean, where, as many other owners of "seaside" cabins, we have a boat docked. To take this boat out, Norwegain laws require us to either wear a life west or keep it in the boat with us. As some of you will know, life wests have traditionally** come in different versions for people of different weights, ending at about 210 pounds. Do I weigh more than 210 pounds? Yes, about 40 more, as a matter of fact. Did I then, sensibly enough, go out in search of a life west that would be appropriate for a person of my weight? No, I did not. What did I decide to do in stead? Take one or two of the ones for 210 pound people, and cross my fingers nothing would happen.
Listen, I am the first person to admit that this is Stupid with a capital S. However, loathing myself the way I did for being fat, drawing attention to the fact that I was/am heavier than even Norwegian men are supposed to be, was something I could not have brought myself to do. Fat Acceptance has allowed me to stop being so incredibly ashamed of myself that I couldn't have asked a sales person at a sporting goods store for a special life west. It has also allowed me to start loving myself enough to feel that crossing my fingers is not an adequate way of ensuring my own security. Both of these, in my opinion, are pretty good things. And they both contribute to why, when I hear people say Fat Acceptance is bad for me, I don't only think they're wrong, I know they are.

What about you, do you have any stories that make Fat Acceptance seem like the obvious and only choice? Would you care to share?

Etter å ha skrevet dette, har jeg lyst til å fortelle dere en liten historie om én av måtene Fat Acceptance har forandret livet mitt på. Som mange andre av Norges innbyggere, eier min familie en hytte. Denne hytta ligger i skoglige omgivelser, med en 5-10 minutters gåtur ned til sjøen, hvor båten vår ligger fortøyd. Som de aller fleste av dere helt sikkert vet, er det påbudt å ha på seg, eller med seg, en redningsvest ombord i båt. Noe jeg vil tro også er ganske kjent, er at det tradisjonelt sett** har vært forskjellige versjoner av redningsvester avhengig av hvor mye personen som skal ha den på seg veier, og at disse kategoriene vanligvis har sluttet på ca 95kg. Veier jeg mer enn 95kg? Ja, ca 15kg mer faktisk. Gikk jeg derfor, fornuftig nok, ut og lette etter en redningsvest som ville vært riktig for min vekt? Nei, det gjorde jeg ikke. Hva bestemte jeg meg for å gjøre i stedet? Ta med meg en eller to av vestene for 95 kilos mennesker, og krysse fingrene for at ingenting skulle skje med meg.
Hør her, jeg er den første til å innrømme at dette er Dumt med en stor D. Men om man avskyr seg selv så sterkt som jeg gjorde for å være feit, kan det å trekke oppmerksomheten mot det at jeg var/er tyngre enn den gjennomsnittlige norske mann "skal" være, føles som noe umulig. Fat Acceptance har tillat meg å slutte å skamme meg så mye over meg selv, at jeg ikke hadde fått meg til å be en ansatt i en sportsforretning om en spesiell redningsvest. Det har også tillat meg å begynne å elske meg selv nok, til at jeg ikke lenger føler at det å krysse fingrene er en god nok måte å holde meg selv trygg på. Begge disse er gode ting, synes jeg selv. Og de bidrar begge til at jeg, når jeg hører folk si at Fat Acceptance ikke er bra for meg, ikke bare tror de tar feil, jeg vet de tar feil.

Hva med deg, har du noen historier som får Fat Acceptance til å virke som et helt åpenbart valg? Lyst til å fortelle dem?

Major props go to Spilt Milk for writing the piece that clarified for me many of the points I make in this post. / All mulig ære til Spilt Milk som skrev innlegget som klarte opp for meg mange av poengene jeg skriver om i dette innlegget.

________________________________________________________
* If you get that Jane Austen reference, I love you!
** Having done a brief search online, this seems not to be the case any longer. / Etter et kort søk på nettet ser det ut til at dette ikke lenger er tilfellet.

Why I no longer shop at Dorothy Perkins

2010-10-09T20:49:00.001+02:00

For those of you who don't know, Dorothy Perkins is a British online and brick and mortar store selling womens clothing in sizes UK 6-22 (EU 34-50, US 4-20). With this, it is not exactly what I call a "fatty store", but people wearing up to inbetweenie+ sizes can shop there. I myself have bought from them a couple of times, and was planning on buying from them again when I browsed my way into their active wear section. If you are a fatty who has tried to buy workout gear you will know how difficult it is to find, so I was immediately pleased. And then I saw their selection, and the clothes were cute! Cute workout clothes in my size was something I had quite given up on seeing, so now I was getting really excited. (I wonder if you see where this is headed?) I click on a couple of items, and what do I find? Their active wear line only extends to size 18. Because obviously we actual fatties don't exercise.
My dream of cute workout clothes dashed, what is an unashamed fatty like myself to do? I write them an email:

Hello,

I have a question regarding your Active Wear line. I had found a couple of tops I want to buy, and I was browsing your active wear section for some new workout gear to ad to my purchase, when I discovered that the sizes only go up to 18 on these items. Since your clothing is usually available up to a size 22, I am very much wonering why it isn't the same with your active wear? I really hope there's a good reason for this, since right now it looks like you have made the assumption that none of us fatties ever work out. Finding workout gear that fits larer sizes is generally very difficult, and to have you add to that would make this customer very unhappy.

Looking foreward to your reply!

Best wishes
Veronica [last name removed]

Quite reigned in I thought (if not exactly typo free). It has been over a month without a reply, which has made this decision all the more easy: If Dorothy Perkins thinks it is alright to be so obviously prejudiced towards fatties, I will no longer shop there.

In the words of Cee-Lo Green:

Fuck you!

Oo, oo, ooo

I guess the change in my pocket

Wasn't enough, I'm like

Fuck you!

For de av dere som ikke vet det, er Dorothy Perkins en britisk kleskjede (inkludert en nettbutikk) som selger kvinneklær i størrelsene UK6-22 (34-50 i norske størrelser). Dette utvalget gjør dem ikke akkurat til det jeg kaller en "tjukk butikk", men folk som bruker små til mellomstore "tjukke størrelser" kan handle der. Jeg har selv kjøpt fra dem et par ganger, og planen var å kjøpe fra dem igjen da jeg en dag surfet meg inn i seksjonen for treningsklær. Om du er en tjukk person som har forsøkt å kjøpe deg treningsklær, vet du hvor vanskelig dette kan være å finne. P.g.a. dette hadde jeg ikke en gang sett klærne og jeg var allikevel fornøyd. Og så så jeg klærne, og de var fine! Ordentlig fine treningsklær i min størrelse var noe jeg hadde helt gitt opp å finne, så på dette tidspunktet begynte jeg å bli ordentlig opprømt. (Jeg lurer på om dere ser hvor dette kommer til å ende?) Jeg klikker på et par ting, og hva oppdager jeg? At treningsklærne ikke går høyere opp enn til str 18 (46). For vi ordentlige tjukkaser trener selvfølgelig ikke.

Min drøm om stilige treningsklær er nå knust, så hva skal en selverklært tjukkas som meg gjøre? Jeg skriver en e-post til dem:

Hello,

I have a question regarding your Active Wear line. I had found a couple of tops I want to buy, and I was browsing your active wear section for some new workout gear to ad to my purchase, when I discovered that the sizes only go up to 18 on these items. Since your clothing is usually available up to a size 22, I am very much wonering why it isn't the same with your active wear? I really hope there's a good reason for this, since right now it looks like you have made the assumption that none of us fatties ever work out. Finding workout gear that fits larer sizes is generally very difficult, and to have you add to that would make this customer very unhappy.

Looking foreward to your reply!

Best wishes
Veronica [last name removed]

(Du kan gå hit for å få det oversatt.) Ganske fattet og kontrollert syntes jeg selv (om ikke akkurat uten stavefeil). Det er over en måned siden jeg skrev til dem, og jeg har ikke fått noe svar, noe som har gjort denne avgjørelsen desto enklere å fatte: Hvis Dorothy Perkins synes det er helt ok å være så åpenbart fordomsfulle mot tjukkaser, har jeg handlet der for siste gang.

For å sitere Cee-Lo Green:

Fuck you!

Oo, oo, ooo

I guess the change in my pocket

Wasn't enough, I'm like

Fuck you!

ETA: Since writing this I wrote them a new email telling them their lack of response confirmed my beliefs around their active wear sizing, and that I would no longer be shopping at DP. I received no respons to that email either. // Jeg har senere sendt Dorothy Perkins en ny e-post hvor jeg skrev at deres manglende tilbakemelding bekreftet min mistanke rundt treningsklærne deres, og at jeg ikke lenger kom til å handle hos dem. Jeg har ikke mottatt noe svar på den e-posten heller.

My Body and I

2010-10-04T21:47:00.000+02:00

I don't know when it happened, this strange thing of me separating myself from my body. When I started looking in the mirror, and, in stead of simply seeing me, I saw myself and my body. I suppose it happened while I was gaining weight, while my body was expanding without me giving my consent. It makes sense in a way; if you don't feel like you can control what your body does, is it really a part of you?
I know I am far from the only person, let alone the anly fatty, who feels this way. And who can blame us really? When you are fat, people are constantly expecting you to fight your body. "Fight the bulge!" "Manage your weight!" "Battle those pounds!" This becomes slightly more abstract, but no less real, in the language of the "obesity epidemic". Fat is something to be afraid of, something to avoid, something that is to blame for current and future problems in our society.

Now, knowing this, it shouldn't come as a big surprise when fat people end up distancing themselves from their bodies. After all, their bodies are fat, and fat = bad. Who would want to identify so closely with something bad? Well, I didn't. But lately I'm starting to remember something I once knew. My body and I are not two separate units of the same entity, we are one. I am my ass; my thighs; my fingers, in the same way that I am my mind; my voice; the way I move. Change may come, sure, but that change won't just affect a part of me, it will affect me.

While I have been reclaiming my body, I have realized that there is something else I must also claim. You see, if my body is me, then the critizism directed at it is mine to own as well. My brain has taken to translating this critizism as of late, so:
"Wouldn't you be happier if you lost some weight?" is transformed on it's journey from my ears to my brain into "Wouldn't you be happier if there was less of you?"
"I read an article about this awesome new diet the other day" becomes "There's too much of you, you really should try to make yourself smaller."
"You didn't use to have to worry about fitting into the seats on planes..." becomes "You take up so much room, I think it would be better if you tried to minimize yourself."
Please understand that when you tell me to lose weight, you are not just saying it to my ass, or my thighs, or my fingers, you are telling me to become less. And I don't want to be less, I want to be more! I have spent so much time hiding, trying to be invisible, to be less than I am, and now I want to be more! I want so much to be more me!

All I'm asking of you, is that you don't make it any harder than it already is.

Kroppen min og jeg

2010-10-04T21:42:00.000+02:00

Jeg vet ikke når det skjedde, dette rare at jeg begynte å se på kroppen min som noe separat fra meg selv. På hvilket tidspunkt var det at jeg så meg i speilet, og i stedet for å se meg, så jeg meg og kroppen min. Jeg tror at det skjedde mens jeg la på meg, mens kroppen min ble større uten at jeg hadde gitt den tillatelse til det. Det virker logisk på et vis; hvis du ikke føler at du har kontroll over hva kroppen din gjør, er den da en del av deg?
Jeg er langt ifra den eneste personen, for ikke å snakke om den enste tjukke personen, som føler det slik. Og er det egentlig så rart? Når man er tjukk er det hele tiden forventet av deg at du skal kjempe mot kroppen din. "Bekjemp bilringene!" "Ta kontroll over vekta di!" "Vinn kampen mot kiloene!" Dette blir litt mer abstakt, men ikke noe mindre virkelig, i språket som brukes omkring "fedme epidemien". Fett er noe vi skal være redde for, noe vi skal unngå, noe som har skylda for fremtidige samfunnsproblemer.

Når vi nå vet dette, burde det ikke komme som noe sjokk når feite mennesker ender opp med å ta/føle avstand fra kroppene sine. Tross alt, kroppene deres er fete, og fett = fælt. Hvem ønsker vel å identifisere seg med noe som er fælt? Ikke jeg, iallfall. Men i det siste har jeg begynt å huske noe jeg en gang visste. At kroppen min og jeg ikke er to deler av en enhet, vi er ett. Jeg er rumpa mi, lårene mine og fingrene mine, på den samme måten som jeg er sinnet mitt, stemmen min og måten jeg beveger meg på. Endringer vil komme, men disse endringene vil ikke bare påvirke en del av meg, de vil påvirke meg.

Mens jeg har vært i denne prosessen med å ta tilbake kroppen min, har det gått opp for meg at det er noe annet jeg også må ta på meg. Du skjønner, hvis kroppen min er meg, så er kritikken som rettes mot den også min. I det siste har hjernen min begynt å oversette denne kritikken, slik at:
"Hadde du ikke blitt lykkeligere om du gikk ned i vekt?" på vei fra ørene til hjernen min blir forvandlet til "Hadde du ikke blitt lykkeligere om det var mindre av deg?"
"Jeg leste en artikkel om en fantastisk ny slankekur her om dagen" blir til "Det er for mye av deg, du burde virkelig prøve å bli mindre."
"Du trengte ikke å bekymre deg for å få plass i setene på et fly for et par år siden..." blir til "Du tar så mye plass, jeg tror det hadde vært bedre om du minimerte deg selv."

Vær så snill å forstå at når du ber meg om å gå ned i vekt, er ikke dette noe du bare sier til rumpa mi, eller lårene mine, eller fingrene mine, du ber meg om å bli mindre. Jeg har ikke lyst til å være mindre, jeg har lyst til å være mer! Jeg har brukt så mye tid på å gjemme meg bort, på å prøve å bli usynlig, på å være mindre enn jeg er, og nå vil jeg være mer! Jeg vil så gjerne være mer meg!

Alt jeg ber deg om, er at du ikke gjør det vanskeligere for meg enn det allerede er.

'End Fat Hatred' on Facebook

2010-09-21T21:01:00.000+02:00

Please take the time to follow this link, to sign a petition to end fat hatred on Facebook. I realize I am unfashionably late to this party, but the petition is still active so hopefully I can be forgiven. This petition is in response to, among other tings, groups on Facebook taking pictures of people from the Fatosphere (without their permission), and putting them up to mock and ridicule. A notable example of a person this happened to was fancy lady Natalie of definatalie.com, who wrote a truly inspiring piece titled You can't bully me out of my skinny jeans in response to the person who took her picture. So, again, please do sign the petition!

Vær så snill å ta deg tid til å følge denne linken, og signer en underskriftskampanje for å få slutt på åpent hat av tjukke mennesker på Facebook. Jeg er klar over at jeg er drøyt sent ute med denne oppfordringen, men underskriftskampanjen er fortsatt aktiv så forhåpentligvis kan jeg tilgis. Denne kampanjen er, bl.a, en reaksjon til grupper på Facebook som har tatt bilder av mennesker fra Fett-o-sfæren (uten deres tillatelse), og lagt dem ut til latterliggjøring og utskjelling. Et prominent eksempel på et menneske dette skjedde med er den fancy damen Natalie fra definatalie.com, som skrev et virkelig inspirerende innlegg kalt "You can't bully me out of my skinny jeans" til svar på det som skjedde med henne. Så, igjen, vær så snille å skriv under på underskriftskampanjen.

"Triggering"

2010-09-15T16:27:00.000+02:00

If you spend some time in the Fatosphere, maybe especially in the Fatshionista LJ community, you will become familiar with the word triggering. For example: "Click this link to read the rest of my post, as some of you may find it triggering." This triggering content may be a great number of things; in the Fatosphere painful tales of diets past are a frequent theme considered triggering, but by no means the only one. Other examples include talk of eating disorders, sexual assaults or strong body negativity. I have heard this culture of sheltering people from what might be triggering for them critisized, but I personally have always thought it a considerate and sensible thing to do, in a forum in which we strive to promote better relationships between people and their bodies. When I read a trigger warning, I know to go on reading with a more prepared mindset.

Hvis du tilbringer litt tid i Fett-o-sfæren, kanskje spesielt i Fatshionista LJ samfunnet, vil du etterhvert bli godt kjent med ordet "triggering", eller utløsende. Et eksempel: "Klikk på denne linken for å lese resten av innlegget, da noen av dere kan oppleve det som utløsende." Dette utløsende innholdet kan være mange forskjellige ting, i Fett-o-sfæren er smertefulle beretninger om tidligere slankekurer et tema som ofte anses som utløsende, uten at det på noen måte det eneste. Andre eksempler inkluderer snakk om spiseforstyrrelser, seksuelle overgrep, og negative samtaler om egne eller andres kropper formulert i sterke ordelag. Jeg har lest kritikk av denne kulturen hvor vi skjermer folk fra temaer de kan finne utløsende, men jeg personlig har alltid ansett det for en hensynsfull og fornuftig ting å gjøre i et forum hvor vi jobber for å bedre menneskers forhold til deres egne kropper. Når jeg lesser en "trigger warning" eller varsel om utløsende innhold, kan jeg lese videre med en litt endret mental innstilling.

What might be triggered was always fairly obvious to me, you would read something that would remind you of something in your own personal history which ended up triggering bad emotions, or you would read something that just plain hurt your feelings. But there's a third form of triggering content (maybe there's many more forms as well, it's just that I haven't discovered them yet), one that's much more sneaky and not so immediately painful. I discovered this while I was reading an opinion piece entitled Contempt For Fat People (again, I've had Google translate it from Norwegian to English for you, it won't be pretty, but it should be readable) by Lisbeth Nilsen. The piece itself was not the problem, it is in fact written by a woman who seems to be fat people positive, but I went on to read the comments. I know what you're saying: "Don't you know better than to read the comments on a piece that dares to express fat positive messages?! They're always filled with people who take advantage of the anonymity of the Internet to express their contempt for fat people in the most hurtful language possible!" Yes, as you've now guessed I did know that, but if I'm going to argue for Fat Acceptance in Norway I want to be prepared for the argument from the other side, and I knew I'd find it there. Therefore I put on my mental armor, lifted my shield high, and plowed through. And I really thought it worked, strangers on the Internet have only so much power to hurt me after all, and I had my armor on. I didn't notice the thoughts. The little creeping thoughts that snuck their way past my helmet and into my head. It wasn't what these people said you see, it was how they felt. Feeling that much disdain and contempt and hatred wash over you, leaves you, well me, wanting to change. So I was on my fourth or fifth page of comments, when one of the thoughts dared to be a little louder: "Maybe I should just lose some weight," it said. "50 lbs maybe? I could do that, and then these people wouldn't feel the way they feel about me. Getting through to them about FA is going to be that much harder if they just see me as a fatty trying to make up excuses for 'giving up'." Then I stopped reading to think about it, and don't think I immediately thought: "Leave my head, unhelpful thoughts! I am a fat accepting fatty, and you will find no mercy here!"
No, I thought: "Well, maybe I should -" And then I remembered who I am, because I am a fat accepting fatty, at least I am trying to be. Unfortunately, remembering this didn't bring with it some great way of shutting that inner voice up, the only thing I could think to do was to stop myself from seeing these hurtful messages, and before I thought about it my fingers hurried to close the browser window. I hurridly found an other occupation for my thoughts, as I knew I was in no emotional space to rationally think this through.

It was only later, when I was no longer feeling the feelings these comments had brought, that I realized that I had found a new version of triggering.

Hva som kunne utløses virket alltid ganske åpenbart på meg, du leste noe som minnet deg om noe i din personlige historie som igjen utløste vonde følelser, eller kanskje du leste noe som rett og slett såret følelsene dine. Men det finnes en tredje form for utløsende innhold (det er mulig det finnes mange flere former enn det, det er bare at jeg ikke har oppdaget dem enda), en form som er mye mer sleipt snikende og ikke så umiddelbart smertefull. Jeg oppdaget dette da jeg leste en kronikk med tittelen "Forakt for fete folk" av Lisbeth Nilsen. Kronikken i seg selv var ikke problemet, den er faktisk skrevet av en kvinne som virker som om hun er positiv til fete folk, men jeg bestemte meg for å lese kommentarene. Jeg vet hva du tenker: "Har du ikke bedre vett enn at du leser kommentarene på et innlegg som våger å uttrykke positive tanker om fete mennesker?! De er alltid fylt med mennesker som utnytter internetts anonymitet til å uttrykke forakt for feite mennesker i så sårende ordelag som mulig!" Jo, som du nå har gjettet så visste jeg det, men hvis jeg skal argunemtere for Fat Acceptance i Norge ønsker jeg å være forbedredt på den andre sidens argumenter, og jeg visste jeg kom til å finne dem der. Derfor tok jeg på meg den mentale rustningen min, løftet skjoldet høyt, og pløyde meg igjennom. Og jeg trodde virkelig at det funket, fremmede mennesker på internett har tross alt begrenset med kraft til å såre meg, og jeg hadde på meg rustningen min. Jeg merket ikke tankene. De små smygende tankene som snek seg forbi hjelmen og inn i hodet mitt. For selv om jeg var forberedt på hva disse menneskene sa, så var jeg ikke forberedt på hva de følte. Å føle så mye forakt og avsky og hat skylle over deg, etterlater deg, vel meg, med et behov for å endre meg. Jeg var på den fjerde eller femte siden med kommentarer, da en av tankene våget å være litt mer høyrøstet: "Kanskje jeg burde gå ned noe i vekt," sa den. "20 kg kanskje? Jeg kan gjøre det, og så vil ikke disse menneskene føle det slik for meg lenger. Å trenge igjennom til dem med et budskap om Fat Acceptance kommer til å være desto vanskeligere dersom de bare ser på meg som ei tjukkas som har funnet en unnskyldning for å "gi opp"." Jeg sluttet å lese for å tenke litt på det, og ikke tro at jeg umiddelbart tenkte: "Forlat hodet mitt, ubrukelige tanker! Jeg er en "fat accepting" tjukkas, og du vil ikke finne noen nåde her!"

Neida, jeg tenkte: "Vel, kanskje jeg burde..." Og så husket jeg hvem jeg er, fordi jeg er en "fat accepting" tjukkas, jeg prøver iallfall å være det. Desverre bragte ikke det at jeg husket dette med seg en effektiv måte å få den indre stemmen til å tie stille, det eneste jeg klarte å komme på å gjøre var å sørge for at jeg ikke lenger så disse sårende beskjedene, og før jeg tenkte over det fortet fingrene mine seg å lukke fanen. Jeg kjappet meg å finne noe nytt å tenkke på, siden jeg visste at jeg ikke følelsesmessig var klar for å tenke igjennom hva som hadde skjedd på en rasjonell måte.

Det var senere, da jeg ikke lenger følte følelsene kommentarene hadde bragt med seg, at det gikk opp for meg at jeg hadde oppdaget en ny versjon av utløsende.

Calling all Norwegian speakers, Scandinavians, and anyone else who might care what we call FA in Norway

2010-09-13T21:44:00.000+02:00

I går var jeg på twitter da @definatalie twitret at inlegget hun hold på den første (årlige) australske "Fat Studies Conference" var lagt ut på hjemmesiden hennes. Jeg vet ikke hva det var for noe, men noe med å sitte der å se på henne mens hun holdt et innlegg om Fat Acceptance i det virkelige livet fikk meg til å tenke litt alvorlig på hvordan Fat Acceptance bevegelsen står i Norge. Er det en Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge? Jeg gjorde litt undersøkelser ved hjelp av Google og Kvasir, og det ser ut til at svaret er nei. Her bør jeg kanskje nevne at en av artiklene jeg leste i forbindelse med mitt søk på Kvasir var "Hva gir tynne mennesker rett til å fordømme meg, selv om jeg er tjukk?". Grunnen til at dette bør nevnes, er at etter at jeg leste denne artikkelen virket det nærmest umulig å tenke: "Jaja, så finnes det ingen Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge, ikke mitt problem."
Så dette er mitt forsøk på å bidra til en (forhåpentligvis spirende) Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge, ved å ta tak i det første spørsmålet: Hva skal denne bevegelsen hete?

Hvis bevegelsen allerede har et navn, VÆR SÅ SNILL og fortelle meg det i en kommentar, og anse det som unødvendig å lese resten av dette innlegget.

Jeg føler veldig sterkt at vi ikke kan kalle det "Fat Acceptance", da dette ikke, etter min mening, er en god måte å nå den gjennomsnittlige nordmann. Men først, skal vi holde oss til Fat Acceptance? Eller skal vi gå for Size Acceptance, eller kanskje Body Acceptance? Her hadde jeg satt stor, stor pris på innspill fra mer erfarne Fat Acceptance aktivister enn meg!
Mer spesifikt, skal vi kalle det "fett aksept"? "Fedme aksept" (høres litt vel klinisk ut for meg, på linje med "obese")? "Fet aksept"? "Feit aksept" (personlig er jeg litt svak for denne)? "Tjukk aksept"? "Tjukkas aksept" (jeg har lest det beskrevet som "tjokkas aksept" på svensk)? Skal vi kanskje snu det på hodet litt og gå for "aksept av fett" e.l? Hva med "kropps aksept"? "Størrelses aksept"?

Jeg er virkelig utrolig interessert i tankene deres her, felles tjukkaser og allierte! Hvis dere ikke har lyst/kan kommentere her kan jeg nås på musingsfromthesoapbox@gmail.com eller @wicked_cakes på twitter. Jeg har også skrevet et liknende innleg i Fatshionista LJ samfunnet, så du kan kommentere der.

Til slutt, er det et annet forum du føler jeg burde spurt dette spørsmålet i?

Yesterday I was on twitter when @definatalie tweeted that her speech from the first (annual) Australian Fat Studies Conference had been posted to her blog. I don't know what it was, but something about sitting there watching her give a speech on Fat Acceptance in real life got me thinking somewhat seriously about where the Fat Acceptance movement stands i Norway. Is there a Fat Acceptance movement in Norway? I did some research with the help of Google and Kvasir, and the answer seems to be no. Here I should perhaps mention one of the articles I read during my Kvasir search was "Hva gir tynne mennesker rett til å fordømme meg, selv om jeg er tjukk?" ("What gives thin people the right to judge me, though I am fat?" I got Google to translate the article for those of you who don't read Norwegian.) The reason why this should be menioned, is that after I read this article it seemed almost impossible to think: "So there's no Fat Acceptance movement in Norway, not my problem."
So this is my attempt at contributing to a (hopefully growing) Fat Acceptance movement in Norway, by addressing the first question: What should this movement be called?

If the movement already has a name , PLEASE tell me what it is in a comment, and consider reading the rest of this post unnecessary.

I feel very strongly that we can't call it "Fat Acceptance", as this is not a good way of reaching the avrerage Norwegian person, imo. But first, should we stick with Fat Acceptance? Or should we go for Size Acceptance, or maybe Body Acceptance? On this point I would appreciate some input from more seasoned Fat Acceptance activists so incredibly much!
More spesifically, should we call it "fett aksept"? "Fedme aksept" (sounds a little too clinical to me, along the lines of "obese")? "Fet aksept"? "Feit aksept" (personally I have a weakness for this one)? "Tjukk aksept"? "Tjukkas aksept" (I have read it described as "tjokkas aksept" in Swedish)? Should we twist it around a bit and go for "aksept av fett" or something like it? How about "kropps aksept"? "Størrelses aksept"?

I am truly tremendously interested in your thoughts on this subject, my fellow fatties and allies! If you don't feel like/can't comment on here I can be reached at musingsfromthesoapbox@gmail.com, or @wicked_cakes on twitter. I have also written a post similar to this in the Fatshionista LJ community, so you can comment on there.

Lastly, is there an other forum in which you feel I should ask this question?

It's not about my health! Part II

2010-09-09T14:08:00.000+02:00

'It's not about my health!' becomes a series with a repost from The Philosophy Of Fat.

A guest post by Karen: From the other side of 'acceptable'

For seven years, I have alternated between suffering and recovering from anorexia nervosa. While I have never been overweight, I have been confronted by many people about various weights, ranging from 6st7 to 9st7. These people have included family, friends, acquaintances, but also, perhaps surprisingly, strangers. I have had raging arguments with parents (“it’s not attractive”), friends who have grabbed my bottom, or lack thereof, and informed me that I’m too thin. I have had strangers in the street shout at me to eat a burger, and point me in the direction of the nearest eating disorders clinic as a hilarious joke with their friends. Perhaps most hurtful of all of this was a supposed friend coming to me in the college toilets, lifting my jumper and pulling my jeans to expose my ribs, concave stomach and hipbones to her friends, to prove that I was “too thin” as she’d told them.

The strange thing about all of this is, while I have strived for and achieved that UK size 2 (US 00) frame where knickers only stay up because they can be hung on protruding hipbones, this never made me happy. I openly admit that I did feel achieved when I could no longer buy clothes, with adult clothes being too big and children’s being too short and yes, I did feel achieved as I lost more and more weight. For years, losing weight has been my goal but at many times during these seven years, it has been my life.

However, I am now a UK size 6 (US 2) and, while the days of endless dieting and obsessive exercise do not seem as though they are a thing of the distant past, I am a healthy weight and shape. One would assume from this that I am a much healthier person, but this assumption couldn’t be much further from the truth. While my healthy 9st body and my 28F chest give me a curvy, womanly shape, and while I eat regularly and I am more confident, this does not mean I am healthy. I smoke 20 roll-ups a day. I don’t run unless I’m going to miss the metro and, if I do that, I practically need resuscitating upon entrance to the train. At the same time, my boyfriend’s weight is exactly double my own, making him technically obese but, while the BMI charts all do battle with him trying to make him eat less and get more exercise, I spend time doing battle with him myself, simply to get him away from his weight bench! Of the two of us, he is far healthier and sets a fine example of how healthy one can be at a higher weight. I, however, work more as a terrible warning of the opposite issue!

While this has, so far, been a message of how unhealthy one can be when slim, I do not mean to suggest that one must be curvy to be healthy. For me, it is a question of balance - a balanced diet in which one nourishes one’s body, and a daily routine that keeps the body active but not exhausted. This balance is something I have not yet struck, but I intend to once I have come to be more comfortable with the sudden arrival of my bust and my bottom. If I led a healthier lifestyle, however, I would lose weight and that in turn would lead me back to the same situation of people passing me in the street and feeling that they have a right to comment on my shape. For me, then, and for many others, this situation becomes catch 22. I lose weight because I am leading a healthy lifestyle; I gain weight to please others by fulfilling a certain ideal of appearance. There is no point at which I am acceptable. Why?

The issue that few seem to consider is this: commenting on the appearances of others in a negative way is NOT polite, acceptable or necessary - rather, it is rude and it is damaging. By telling someone thin to go and eat something fattening, one will not inspire them to gain weight, just the same as telling someone fat to put down their pasty will not encourage them to lose weight. No one should be made to feel ashamed of their appearance but, furthermore, are the people who wish to comment in this fashion not being rather shallow? I am no more or less happy, successful or loved at this weight than I was at any other. Those who care about the person inside don’t care about the person outside but, those who do care about the outer “beauty” are often the ones with the power to make the individual miserable and lonely.

A call to sleeves!

2010-09-03T13:57:00.003+02:00

Valerie of Blog To Be Alive

I went shopping in a brick and mortar store on Tuesday. While the selection was far too 'old' for my tastes, it made me reflect on a few things. At any given time in a store targeting plus sized women there are women there who are unhappy with their bodies, some of them deeply and profoundly so. Often I hear a woman trying something on, and telling the sales person that she is just happy to find something that fits. Heck, I've said that, probably more than once. This knowledge makes me so sad. I don't want fat women to have to settle for being happy to find something that fits. I want them to be able to buy clothes they feel good in, and that make them feel good about themselves. But the reality is that a lot of them know of no other way of existing than despising their bodies, and buying clothes that are no more than ok, either because that's all they find, or because they'll save buying the clothes they really want until they have the body they are 'supposed' to have.

I have honestly thought of handing out pamphlets with the addresses to the Fatshionista LJ community, and a Fat Rant or two on it. Unfortunately I have a feeling implying that they're fat wouldn't be that welcome, and would make them disregard anything else that was being said. And then there's the fact that I'd have to convince the store managers it's a good idea.

In lieu of these more drastic ideas, I have found an other approach: Every time I go to a fat people's store I dress up. I put on something I love wearing, and that proves without a doubt that just because I'm a fat chick doesn't mean I can't look (my version of) stylish and beautiful. And right now I am asking you to do the same, assuming you're fat, of course. Think about it; this might be the place you go with the most fat people gathered in one place, here there's a real chance of affecting someone. Wouldn't it be great if a few years from now, some fat woman you don't know is sitting around telling her friends about how her journey to self-love and body acceptance started when she saw this beautiful/trendy/cute/rockin' looking girl in a store for fat girl's clothes? Even if you don't end up changing someone's life, wouldn't it be awesome to walk around knowing you are walking talking 'fatspiration'? Please join me in this attempt to change fat people's lives, one shopping trip at a time!

Ash Foxglove of Owls Are Raptors!

Find a bra that fits

2010-08-31T02:51:00.001+02:00

This post was conceived while I was reading the comments to the post named Some Meandering Thoughts About Bra-Shopping: Why Fashion Really Is A Line In The Sand over The Rotund.

My bra size is 85I. That's right I. If European bra sizes confuse you, that's about a US/UK 38G/H. With this, I am wearing one of those sizes that are mentioned when people talk about boobs that are "scary big". Because, while it is obviously a crime to have too small breasts in our society, they should not be too large either. How fun. Now, are my breasts really "scary big"? I don't think so. Sure, they are large, but they fit the rest of my body. I don't actually stop people in the streets with them, is what I'm saying.
But this isn't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about something that a lot of people seem to associate with large brasts, and that is back pain. As shocking as this may be to some people, I don't experience boob related back pain. In spite of this, it has been suggested to me a couple of times that I might consider breast reduction surgery. Please take a moment to ponder how fucked up that is.
All surgery has risks, of course. What I didn't know until recently, however, was how many malpractice cases involve breast reduction surgeries (NSFW). Out of 116 cases wherein the patients were awarded damages, 51 of them were breast reduction surgeries. By telling you this I am honestly not trying to scare you out of having breast reduction surgery, if that is what's right for you. What I am trying to say, is find a bra that fits. You see, the only time my breasts have caused me back pain, was wen I was wearing a truly shoddy bra. And so many women seem to be wearing the wrong bra size. If you are carrying a bit of a heavy load, as some of us fatties are, the situation might get unbearable pretty quickly.

I would recommend getting fitted at a place that specializes in underwear (here they usually carry a broader range of sizes as well). The advantage of these places, in addition to the knowledge they, hopefully, possess, is that the women who work there have been picked partly because they are the kind of people whom other people wouldn't mind too much getting undresed in front of. After you have been told what your correct bra size is, make sure to try at least one on in that size. The people who work there aren't infallable, after all. Lastly, remember that you dont have to buy anything. These places are usually pretty expensive, and if you can't afford it you can't afford it.
If getting fitted isn't a possibility for you, or is something you just can't bring yourself to do, you can try to do it yourself. There are several how-to guides on this subject online, unfortunately I can't recommend any of them as I haven't tried it myself. Oh, and remember that the band is supposed to be tight. The rule of thumb is that you should be able to fit two fingers underneath it, but not much more.

To help you find a bra that fits, I'm ending this post with a few resources for any other Hooty McBoob's out there:
Dessous XXL - You can have Google translate for you, if your German is rusty.
Bravissimo - I have bought from them several times, and have mostly very good experiences.
Freya, Fantasie and Panache - Three brands that carry larger cup sizes.
Enell - The fabled fatty sports bra.
Looking for a sports bra - Post on the Fatshionista LJ community with many handy suggestions in comments.

More for me

2010-08-24T19:39:00.000+02:00

Something we talk about quite a lot in the Fatosphere is fat and attraction. The fact that we are not trying to force everyone to find fat attractive. That we don't really care whether or not this or that person is attracted to fat people. And the fact that the people who are attracted to fat people are in no way, shape or form freaks.
I myself am not a natural Fat Admirer. If you allowed me to pick the body type of the future Mr. Right before I met him, he might end up looking spookily like Gerard Butler in 300 (yes, I know a lot of that is make-up). But something else is in my nature as well; I just don't care all that much. I have one 'look requirement' that I care about, apart from that I genuinly feel, however clichéd it might sound, that beauty comes from within. That being said, being a self-loathing fatty did affect the way I saw other fatties. I think it is nearly impossible to buy into society's messages on how bad fat people are, and only apply them to yourself. With this I arrive at a rather pleasant side-effect of having embraced Fat Acceptance; having more dating options. The number of fish in the sea I'd be happy to catch has grown fatter, if you will.

What about you? Has FA changed how you view the fish in the sea, the way it (hopefully) has changed your view of yourself?

Why feminism is necessary in Norway

2010-08-16T03:45:00.000+02:00

Pretty much every year on Women's Day, 8th March, I hear someone make the argument that feminism has played out it's role in Norway. "Sure," they will say, "there are countries around the world where feminism is still necessary, but in Norway women have the right to vote, we are equal to men under the law, and we have gone through the sexual revolution. Now it's time for those annoying Redstockings to give it a rest, and appreciate what they've got. Really woman, aren't you grateful you don't live in a country where you could be beaten by your sons/brothers/father/husband for, for example, talking to a man in public who isn't your realtive? Women in this country are equal to men under the law, we should show our appreciation by sitting down and shutting up." (Okay, that last part isn't something you are likely to hear people say ... out loud.)
In response to this I have compiled this short list more or less off the top of my head, feel free to add suggestions in comments.

Why feminism is necessary in Norway:

Because in 2005, regardless of whether or not you take into account the differences in how much time women and men spend at work, women earned between 84% and 87% of what men earned.*
Because those numbers were the same in 2004.
Because the typical 'women's professions' are the least valued professions in Norway. By this I don't mean moral value, but actual monetary value.
Because there are people in leadership positions in our policeforce who still think it's relevant what a woman wore when she got raped.
Because women are still told by society that one of our main functions are to be decorative/look good enough for men to find us attractive.**
Because a woman is 'loose' or 'easy' if she sleeps around, while a man simply 'has got the moves'.
Because women in advertising are largely pictured as submissive, passive, silenced sex objects without power. (Seriously, check out this video series, it's mind blowing.)
Because 'feminist', a word which simply means someone who believes women should have the same rights and opportunities men do, has become so stigmatized that the majority of women in this country would never dream of describing themselves as feminists.

_________________________________________________________
*Source: SSB
** Just consider the pressure that is put on women to stay slender, versus the pressure that is put on men.

Weesha's give away

2010-08-06T10:24:00.000+02:00

Weesha of Weesha's World is having a give away, and since she wants the word spread far and wide I'm spreading the word.
If you didn't know about this already that means you're not reading her, which you should be, so hurry over there and check her out! You can thank me later. ;=)

PSA: ModCloth

2010-08-04T16:22:00.002+02:00

If you're anything like me you love/would love ModCloth. Which makes it all the more unfortunate that they have so few items in plus sizes. After extensive searching, however, I finally found a place on their site where they have gathered the clothes they have in 'additional sizes'.
I have bought from them once, and would say their fit runs pretty true to size.

My hope is that if enough people buy their plus sized gear, they will understand there's a market for it, and bring me us lots more to choose from. So... happy shopping=)

It's not about my health!

2010-08-01T21:38:00.001+02:00

Let's get one thing straight right now: Those people, you know the ones, the ones who ask you "Are you sure you should be eating that?", or push weight loss on you for the fourth, or 14th, or 40th, time, or throw you meaningful looks all through the day if you bring in the muffins you made the day before to work, they're not conserned about your health. No matter what they say to defend themselves. I'm not saying there aren't people who might be conserned about your health, in my life my mother is an example of this, but these people are the exception, not the norm.

I realized this as I was watching clips of Marianne Kirby's appearance on Nightline Face-Off's Is it okay to be fat? segment. The discussion there quickly turns to health, as it does, and we have many assurances from all the panelists, Marianne Kirby, Kim Bensen, MeMe Roth and Crystal Renn, that heath is, of course, the most important thing. (I personally believe in body autonomy, here meaning that you don't owe good health to anyone, but let's put that aside for now.) Now, MeMe Roth and Kim Bensen are adamant that weight is a good indicator of health, and to refute this Crystal Renn (among other things) tells the story of one of her model friends who exercise "constantly" who could "run circles around" her, and who eats "probably better" than she does, and is still a size 18. This, dear readers, is when the bells started going off in my head for the first time. Because if this is true (and nobody challenges that it is), wouldn't any reasonable person then concede; okay, maybe health can't be measured in weight?

This thought, coupled with further watching of the clips, prompted these thoughs: When being told too much focussing on weight leads to serious mental problems (including disordered eating), wouldn't any reasonable person recognize that as a legitimate problem and at least consider changing their rhetoric? And if nothing else, when being told putting negative focus on weight leads to fat shame, and that that leads to fat people's health worsening, wouldn't any reasonable person recognize that this may not be the way to go?

What really brought it home for me, you see, is when Crystal Renn talks of her anorexia, and how, now that she isn't suffering from it any longer, she has ended up at her natural weight at a size 12, wherein MeMe Roth interjects "But you're at a healthy weight." Because what if she wasn't at what MeMe Roth and the BMI charts consider a 'healthy weight'?! The indication is clear, if the BMI charts told us she was overweight or maybe even obese, then the advise from MeMe Roth would be for this woman who has struggled with anorexia to go on a diet to lose some weight.

I won't pretend to understand the reasons why people find it necessary to shame fat people, but one thing I now feel certain of: It's not about our health.

PSA: HUGE

2010-07-27T00:30:00.001+02:00

This is a Public Service Announcement for any readers I might have who are from non-hulu compatable areas. You can find HUGE here. You're welcome;=)

Sure, Fat Acceptance is great and all, but what about my...

2010-07-17T01:16:00.007+02:00

Sure, Fat Acceptance is great and all, but what about my double chin? It is so incredibly socially unacceptable! Just look at the images of fat women on TV (when there are any); none of the acceptable fat people, meaning fat people who are more than just caricatures, have double chins. When people in my family are having their picture taken, they have to raise their head or stick out their chin to make sure the double chin isn't immortalized in pixels. A discussion on whether someone is fat or not can be ended by a simple "She has a double chin!" Yup, with a double chin there's just no denying it, you're fat.* And since fat equals bad, I with my double chin equal bad. On a good day, my big hips make me feel womanly, my big ass makes me feel sexy, my large thighs are there to carry me around and I appreciate them for it, my big boobs make me feel like there's not a man who could resist me, my fat toes are the cutest things ever, my stomach with it's strech marks feel great to the touch, and my back rolls remind me "I'm curvy, yay!", but neutral, it seems, is the best I can feel about my double chin. So naturally, when I first discovered Fat Acceptance, my feelings toward my double chin was the first thing I wanted to change. *rolls eyes at herself* Chock it up to me liking a challenge. And I have made some progress; my feelings toward my double chin used to be all bad all the time, and now, as I just said, I can manage a 'neutral'. That's doesn't feel good enough, though. I want to be able to love all of myself, but the honest to god truth is that I just don't find double chins attractive.

I think I have been looking at this from the wrong perpective, then. My double chin is a part of me, and I am worthy of both acceptance and love. I mean, I've never thought of vaginas as particularly attractive looking, but there it still is, right where it's always been, and that's never bothered me in any way. I guess that is me: Lots of blonde curly hair. Nice smile. Vagina. Double chin. 100% awesome.;=)
I don't expect there to be love at first sight the next time I see my double chin in a mirror, but hopefully this new perspective will help me take the next step. I'll let you guys know how it works out.

Have you guys ever thought someting like that? "Sure, Fat Acceptance is great and all, but what about my..." How did your sentence end? Care to share?

*I'm referring to actual fat people with double chins here, not skinny people with them.

The Random Edition: A Fat Ballerina

2010-07-14T13:42:00.001+02:00

A fat ballerina from Russia’s “Big Ballet”

She looks so graceful and beautiful!

The Heart & Soul Blog Award

2010-07-10T22:07:00.001+02:00

Weesha over at Weesha's World just awarded me a blog award. The reasoning reads as follows: "The Heart and Soul award is given to bloggers who always take the time to sit and relate with their readers. Whether it be with the simplest walk down the street to something that my have triggered an emotion to inspire you to write the amazing entries that you do. Not all bloggers are able to capture the attention and hearts of readers. Bearing and exposing your HEART & SOUL in your blogposts,". Thank you, Weesha! Thank you very, very much! I am truthfully both touched and honored that you feel I qualify for this!
The thing is folks, I am usually very unimpressed with these awards. Largely, I think, because the rules almost always state that you have to pass the award on to a certain number of other bloggers. Which, to me, feel a lot like the chain emails I used to get a ton of, and the chain letters I received before that. But (and this is going to sound like a lie, but I swear to the higher powers that it's the truth) for the first time I actually wanted one. I mean, heart and soul, those are fantastic things to be rewarded for! So this is me saying; thank you Weesha, it means a lot to me, and I hope you're not too offended I'm not passing it on.

*Kisses

My trip to the doctor - A non-horror story

2010-07-08T17:13:00.001+02:00

Yup, I really am:)

I wasn’t going to write about this, partly because my story is simply that, one story; and partly because, well, it’s not a terribly exciting story. But the thing is, if you spend some time in the Fatosphere, you’re bound to hear stories. Stories not like mine. Truly horrible stories. And it can freak you the f**k out, I know it did me. That is why I’m writing this, to show that not every trip to the doctor’s has to be a disaster.
I’ve been having these really intense headaches, and after suffering through about six of them I just couldn’t put off going to the doctor any longer. Both his and mind first thought went to migraine, but since I have no symptoms of migraine other than the headaches we ruled that out. His next thought was that it might be situation based, meaning factors in my life were to ‘blame’, so to figure out if this was the case, he asked me some questions. This was perfectly reasonable, and also something I expected. Among the questions was a question about my diet (meaning how/what I eat and drink). Now, I have recently made some changes to my diet, in an attempt to treat my body better, since I’ve… you know… stopped despising it since I found FA, but up till now my diet has, in my opinion, been pretty atrocious for a longish while. So I told him I’ve recently made some changes, and described how I’ve been eating until pretty recently. He did make it clear that he didn’t approve of my former diet by making the ironic comment “Well, you’re sure clever”, but he did not shame me for eating that way. After I had specified a bit, he did ask me a few questions, like “Do you regularly eat bread? Pasta? Drink milk?”, and he seemed slightly concerned by the lack of nutrients I’ve been getting, but, again, there was absolutely no shaming. During our consultation he did ask how much I weigh, which I don’t really see any obvious reason for asking, but then again I’m not a doctor so I’m sure he had a one. He made no comment, verbal or otherwise, about my weight. I’ve recently moved into the deathfat category (which we call ‘Class III obesity’ in my neck of the woods), so I can’t really see him getting bent out of shape by anyone else’s weight either. He did ask me (not directly after the “How my do you think you weigh?” question), how much weight I was planning on losing, I assume in response to my changed diet. To this I answered honestly that I’m not planning on losing any weight, I’ve simply made some changes to eat a more balanced diet. - On a side note; telling him this felt kinda good and empowering, I recommend it! – He didn’t break out the pompoms to cheer me for not dieting, but he didn’t have a negative reaction either. And that was pretty much it. He had someone from the lab draw some blood, told me why he thought I was having these headaches, prescribed some serious painkillers and told me to contact him if they didn’t work in the expected way, I told him thank-you, and we wished each other a nice summer.
If you made it to the end of this non-action packed tale, I hope to have eased your mind about your next doctor visit just a little bit.

A definition

2010-06-27T04:27:00.000+02:00

fat
adj. fat·ter, fat·test
1. Abounding in desirable elements.
2. Full of fat or oil; greasy (of food).
3. Having much or too much fat or flesh; plump or obese.
4. Fertile or productive; rich: "It was a fine, green, fat landscape" (Robert Louis Stevenson).
5. Having an abundance or amplitude; well-stocked: a fat larder.
6.
           a. Yielding profit or plenty; lucrative or rewarding: a fat promotion.
           b. Prosperous; wealthy: grew fat on illegal profits.
7.
           a. Thick; large: a fat book.
           b. Puffed up; swollen: a fat lip.

We associate so many bad things with the word fat, but here the definition is, and it's not so bad, is it? So the next time you're beating yourself up, using 'fat' as the whoopin stick, I hope you come back here and remind yourself what it actually means.
I know I, at least, will take comfort in knowing I have something in common with The Lord of the Rings and the 4th, 5th, 6th & 7th Harry Potter book.

Source

“Troll, to thyself be - enough!”

2010-06-09T00:13:00.004+02:00

Edvard Grieg: In the Hall of the Mountain King
If you read my latest post you will know that I recently went out wearing a dress that showed off a little bit more skin than than I normally would, and probably than some people think is appropriate for a person of my size. You will also know that I did not do so feeling completely confident.

That is where my tale begins, with me standing in the supermarked wondering if a completely random, slightly below average looking, guy is juding me for daring to wear clothes that reveals that I have both fat knees and fat thighs. On top of this somewhat painful pondering, I am also beating myself up for not loving myself enough. Because, if I could just love myself, including my body ("The way normal people do," a completely unhelpful part of me chimes in), then that guy's opinion couldn't touch me. Instead, because my body and I are not yet in a healthy loving relationship, his opinion could hurt me. And I'm scared of how that hurt might affect me. How many steps backwards can I afford to take before I step completely away from the light and back into the darkness?

What am I supposed to do then? It's not like I can lock myself up with only my body until we have resolved all our issues. That's when the quote from the title fell into my head. You see, in Henrik Ibsen's play Peer Gynt, Peer (a human) is discussing the difference between humans and trolls with the Mountin King (the troll king), when the Mountain King says: "[...] among men the saying goes: “Man, be thyself!” At home here with us, ’mid the tribe of the trolls, the saying goes: “Troll, to thyself be—enough!”" And I realized that I don't have to love myself 100% right away, I just have to love myself enough. So I am deciding that, until I love myself the way I wish I did, I will love myself just enough - just enough for my love to be a little bit stronger than the negative feelings or opinions anyone else may have. Just enough so that I won't have to worry whenever I leave the house. Loving my body would be awesome, but until then I don't mind taking a leaf out of the Mountain King's book.

Fatshion vs. Fashion: Personal update

2010-06-07T00:59:00.001+02:00

As written below, I headed to my closet for a sleeveless top, but instead I found a dress that shows off my knees and then some. This is a much bigger step than the sleeveless top for me personally, so I figured I should give “walking the walk” my best effort, and put it on. I’ve worn it several times now, and although I have pangs of self-consciousness, I am also kinda proud. In fact, I feel deserving of a fat activist label. Like a button. Can we have “Fat Activist” buttons? ‘Cause that would be awesome. :=)

Fatshion vs. Fashion

2010-06-01T19:36:00.002+02:00

I think I have discovered a flaw in the system. Now, for there to be an actual flaw, one basic assumption must be correct. The assumption is that Fat Acceptance and fatshion are two sides of the same coin. I am not supposing that all people using the term fatshion are fat accepting, but it does seem probable that a fair majority of them are. If this is wrong, the conclusions I draw are also wrong, so feel free to stop reading, and sending me a message letting me know. =)

I was reading the fabulous bloomie’s latest post A Whole New bloomie, and, while watching her pictures, I had a feeling I was watching something unusual. It took me a little while to figure out what it was, but eventually I realized that it was the amount of bare skin on display that was throwing me for a loop.

The interesting thing is that this outfit was a result of Bloomie imitating someone else’s style, and I realized that the outfit she was wearing would not have made me pause if I had seen it on someone non-fat.
But I see pictures of fat people and/or people displaying fatshion almost every day, so why should an outfit that is, after all, fairly ordinary stand out to me like this? With the amount of fat pictures I’ve seen, I must surely have seen dozens upon dozens of fatties displaying, as Bloomie is doing, both bare arms and knees? Off to the Fatshionista flickr pool I went, to see what was what. Out of 4 909 pictures there were 20, twenty, displaying outfits where both bare arms and knees were showing. How could this be? Isn’t fatshion and FA two sides of the same coin? Aren’t we supposed to be accepting our fat, not hiding it? And now I had a depressing thought: It seems that we are, by creating a separate category for our fashion, not only normalizing (fashion on) fat bodies, but a way of dressing that has us covering up more than our thinner sisters and brothers.

I wish I was a shining example of someone who accepts her fat and isn’t afraid to show it, but I realize that, before I become someone who practices what she preaches, I have some work to do. I’m off to re-read Keena’s inspirational post on your Right To Bare Arms, and then I’m digging a sleeveless top out of my closet. I wish you would join me!

Some people are just thin/fat.

2010-05-25T23:05:00.001+02:00

Really. Some people are just thin/fat. They could eat a pound of ice cream to every meal, never move beyond the couch and the kitchen, and they would be thin/fat. Or, they could eat nothing but vegetables, excercise two hours a day every day, and they would be thin/fat. We all know someone who are like this. Because, some people are just thin/fat. Really.

On taking up 'too much' space

2010-05-09T13:18:00.003+02:00

Picture this: Yours truly is sitting on a tram on my way home. I am seated by the window in a grouping of four seats; 2 x 2 seats facing each other. A thin girl is sitting oposite me, no one is siting next to neither me nor her, my legs are not long enough to be encroaching on 'her' space. And I'm doing that thing that I do. That thing where I press myself up against the wall next to me, and make sure my arms are in front of me in stead of at my sides making me wider; in other words, I am making myself as small as possible. I don't think before I do this, it's an automatic thing. Because I'm already taking up too much space, more than my 50% of the seats, and I don't want to make it worse. Someone will, experience tells me, enter the tram soon, and they'll be needing a seat. If it hadn't been for my incredible fatness, if I were a normal person, no one would have hesitated in sitting down next to me. But now, because of my huge space-encroaching body, they won't even get 50% of the (fairly narrow) seats, and I'm trying to make the situation better by minimizing my presence as much as possible.

As I am sitting there the tram stops and two men enter. They are both big men; one of above average height and muscled, the other of about average height with both muscles and fat adding to his size. They are moving towards my grouping of seats, and I wonder if one of them will sit next to me, or if they will see me taking up too much room with my fat ass (shoulders, arms), and move on. The tall man sits down next to me without a seconds hesitation. This surprises me a little bit, because this guy is so large he takes up more than 50% of the seats (not that I would ever hold that against him, mind you), and I would have expected him to at least consider that he and I won't fit very comfortably. (Is it possible I'm not as large as I imagine?) But not only does he not hesitate, he also does that thing that guys do where they spread their legs, making him take up more space than he needs to. Hm...
Now I look over to the seats oposite me, where the other big man has taken a seat next to the thin girl. Together they use up all the space there is, and even though he clearly takes up more than his half of the space, he is also doing that spreading-the-legs thing. And he looks completely unapologetic doing it. This boggles my mind for a moment. Sure the guy sitting next to me can do this, he is slender and therefore doesn't have to worry about taking up too much space. But the other guy is fat, and he's doing the exact same thing! Then this realization suddenly takes hold of me; if these guys don't feel the need to apologize for the space they're taking up, why on earth should I? If these guys can go through their lives taking up more room than they need to, even though they are large to begin with, and clearly feel absolutely no qualms in doing so, then why can't I go through my life taking up as much room as I need to feel comfortable? There's no reason why! I am a person, and people take up space. Some people take up more space than others, that is how the world works. I shouldn't apologize for taking up space, any more than I should apologize for being a person. People don't expect everyone around them to be their exact size, and being one of the people who need a large amount of space in stead of a small amount of space is a ridiculous thing to feel bad about. It's that simple!

Except it's not that simple, of course. The external and internal messages that had me pressing up against that wall in the first place are still out there. So every now and then, when the need to make myself as small as possible comes over me, I pull out this memory. And I try to remember how clear it was, how obvious, how bright a realization, and hold on to that.

I am a person. People take up space. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Say it with me now: I am a person. People take up space. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a person. People take up space. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Being fat and happy is not impossible!

2010-05-01T15:10:00.002+02:00

This is a response to the comments on this Boston Globe article on Lesley Kinzel of Fatshionista.com. Among many other things, Lesley states in this article that she is perfectly happy living in her own fat body.
In case you don't have the sanity points/can't be bothered to read the comments yourself, here are a few examples:

Newtster wrote: "Denial is not a river in Egypt. She is happy fat because she does not want to face whatever is causing her to eat too much. Instead of being fat, happy and unhealthy, she could be thinner, happy and healthier. Rebelling against society's penchant for some model of beauty does not require you to become fat and make excuses for it. [...]"

KBellaDesign wrote: "I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I got a lap band because I didn't want to be FAT anymore. No matter what she says, she wants bras from Victoria Secret. I know it was the happiest day of my life the first time I walked out of there with a bag full.
Poor thing. She's out there bragging about her acceptance, but I know inside she's dying. Literally."

pelican-pants wrote: "She is no different from the alcoholic or drug addict who claims to be happy. She is lying to herself. If she does end up with health issues (diabetes, heart attack, etc) i wonder if she will take responsibility for being the root cause of her problems."

I. Just. Don't. Get. It. Are people really this close-minded and (I want to say fat-hating, but I’m gonna go with) presumptuous? Because, in stead of the typical ‘Fat people are gross’ comments I have come to expect to see on any article that portrays being fat as anything other than a death sentence, there was a blatant refusal to accept the fact that she, Lesley, could possibly be happy. I'm fairly new to the Fat Acceptance scene (which might be apparent by this post), and I had never encountered something like this before. Why are people so much more willing to believe that she is an unhappy fat person pretending to be happy for some neferious reason of her own, than to accept what she says at face value? Does this woman honestly look unhappy to you?

It makes me angry. Which is new to me in this setting, because the fat=gross comments just make me feel slightly sad and disgusted when I realize how many people are willing to hate someone simply bacause of how they look. But this makes me angry. Who the f**k do these people think they are? Is this the media’s fault for bombarding us with so many images of unhappy fat people, that it makes it impossible to even consider that something else might exist? Or is this a survival technique? ‘I’m not happy, so this woman - who society tells me should be further down the proverbial totempole than I - can’t possibly be happy. Because what does that say about me and my life?’

I’ve read over and over how people in the FA community consider it a political statement to be fat in public; or fat and eating in public; or fat and visible in public; or fat and fashionable in public, but I didn’t realize that being fat and happy in public is also a political statement. Maybe because this was too depressing to feel natural. So that is what I will do then; I will do my best to be Fat and Happy in public, my first real act of Fat Activism. And I DARE you, people of the world, to claim my smile is a false one.

Global economy headed towards another collapse? I think so.

2010-04-14T12:16:00.002+02:00

NB! You need to watch the whole thing...

Why charging fat passengers double is a horrible idea

2010-04-12T19:44:00.007+02:00

There are two scenarios in which charging an overweight person for an extra seat might be relevant. One is when a person doesn't fit into a seat with the armrests down, which the airlines seem to consider a saftey risk. The other is when a person fits into the seat, but is taking up more than 'her share' of the space.

First I want to talk about the people who fit into the seat, but are still utilizing more space than is considered normal. The comfort of other passangers is the problem in these cases, so let's have a look at that. Flying is uncomfortable. Yup, I'm willing to claim that, unless you can afford to upgrade your ticket, flying is uncomfortable for almost everyone. But it is true that it can be more uncomfortable with a large person next to you. It can also be more uncomfortable with an infant crying her way through the trip next to you. Or a person who gets airsick and vomits. Or a person who insists on talking their way through the entire journey, when all you want to do is sleep. Or someone who smells badly. Or someone who is mentally challenged. Or a person with a tattoo of a swastica on her arm, who at the start of the journey pulls out "Mein Kampf". But nobody are talking about charging these people extra, are they? So it is only large people who should have to pay extra. Based on how they look. Sounds frighteningly like discrimination to me.
And how are we supposed to see this through? Should it be a requirement to give up our weight and height when we order a ticket? What if you carry all your weight in the belly, and you don't need any more sideways room than a person of 'normal' weight? What about pregnant people?
Maybe it would be better if we gave up our measurements when we purchase a ticket? Waist measurements might be needed, hip measurements absolutely, and I personally think it would be reasonable to include shoulder measurements. Because it's uncomfortable sitting next to someone who has really broad shoulders, if your own shoulders are of a normal size or larger. So bodybuilders would be charged extra - sorry.
Then there's the question of how you make sure people are in fact as large as they say they are. If you're unsure, do you pull people aside and weigh them and measure their height? Or do you wait until people have boarded the plane and it turns out that they are taking up more than the desired space, to then remove them from the airplane to check? This sounds truoblesome, so maybe the solution is to weigh and/or measure all the passangers before they board the plane?

Then there are the passangers who are so large that they don't fit in a seat while the armrests are down. Those people should have to pay more, right? Because this is hurting the airline's bottom line.
An other group of people costing the airline money are the physically disabled. Do we think it's alright charging these people extra? No, we don't.
     "But, disabled people can't help being disabled," I hear some of you call. "Fat people could just eat a little less and excersise a little more, and then they would fit in one seat just like the rest of us."
     You mean 'the rest of us' whose legs are below a certain lenght, right?
     "Yes, that rest of us."
     Okay. In some cases what my theoretical readers are saying is true, but far from all of them. What about the people who are fat because they have a disease or ailment which has, directly or indirectly, caused them to become fat, should they be required to pay extra? If we follow up on this, then the rule becomes visible disease/ailment (like people in wheelchairs) = Doesn't have to pay extra. 'Invisible' disease/ailment = Pays extra. No? What about people who are struggling mentally, and as a consequence have gained weight, should these people have to pay extra? No? Yes? Should we make an exception for people who can produce a doctor's note (and in doing this, ignore the people who are struggling mentally but can't afford/haven't managed to see a 'shrink')?

If you have reached this point in my musings and still think charging larger people more for the same journey is a good idea, I have one last point to share with you. The seats have gotten narrower. I know this comes as a shock to many of you, as the media makes it sound like the seats have stayed the same since the 60s, and the problem is that the people have gotten fatter.The fact is that the average seat in 1972 was 18,5-23 inches wide, today it is 17-19 inches wide. This means that there is a group of people who in 1972 would have fit in their seat but don't today, or who today is squeezed next to you on the plane who wouldnt have been in 1972. Is it still alright for these people to literally have to pay because the airline decided it was going to increase profit, by squeezing more of us onto the same airplane? I hope your answer is no, but if it isn't, you've still made it to the end of this piece, so you can't be all bad.

Hvorfor det er en elendig idé å ta seg dobbelt betalt av tjukke passasjerer

Det er to scenarioer hvor det kunne blitt aktuelt å ta seg betalt for et ekstra sete som en overvektig person. Det ene er i tilfeller hvor personen ikke passer inn i setet med armlenene nede, noe som flyselskapene ser ut til å se på som en sikkerhetsrisiko. Det andre er i tilfeller hvor mennesker passer inn i setet, men tar opp mer enn "sin del" av plassen.

Først vil jeg prate om de menneskene som passer inn i setet, men allikevel bruker mer plass enn det som er regnet som normalt. Andre passasjerers komfort er da problemet, så la oss se på det. Det er ubehagelig å fly. Jepp, jeg vil påstå at, med mindre du har råd til å oppgradere billetten din, er det ubehagelig å fly nesten for alle. Men det er sant at kan være mer ubehagelig med en stor person ved siden av deg. Det kan også være mer ubehagelig med et spedbarn som gråter seg gjennom hele reisen ved siden av deg. Eller en person som blir flysyk og kaster opp. Eller en person som insisterer på å snakke til deg gjennom hele reisen, når alt du ønsker er å sove. Eller en person som lukter vondt. Eller en person som er psykisk utviklingshemmet. Eller en person med hakekors tatovering på underarmen som tar frem "Mein Kampf" med en gang reisen starter. Men det er ingen som prater om å ta seg ekstra av disse menneskene, er det vel? Så det er kun store personer som skal måtte betale ekstra. Basert på hvordan de ser ut. Høres skummelt ut som diskriminering for meg.
Og hvordan skal dette gjennomføres? Skal man måtte oppgi vekt og høyde når man bestiller billetter? Hva om man bærer all vekten på magen, og dermed ikke trenger noe mer plass sidelengs enn en person med "normal" vekt. Hva med gravide?
Kanskje det er bedre om vi oppgir målene våre ved billettkjøp? Midjemål kan kanskje inkluderes, hoftemål absolutt, og jeg personlig synes det vil være mer enn rimelig å inkludere skuldermål. Det er nemlig ubehaglig å sitte ved siden av en ordentlig bredskuldret person om man har normalt brede skuldre. Så bodybuildere må med andre ord betale ekstra, sorry.
Så kommer spørsmålet om hvordan dette skal bli kontrollert. Om man er usikker, trekker man folk til side og veier dem og måler høyden deres? Måler hoftene og skuldrene deres? Eller venter man til folk er inne på flyet og det viser seg at de tar mer plass enn ønsket, for så å ta dem med seg t av flyet igjen for kontrollsjekke. Eller hvis dette med kontrollsjekking virker vanskelig, skal vi veie/måle alle passasjerer ved før de boarder flyet?

Men hva med de personene som er så store at de ikke passer inn i ett sete med armlenene nede? De menneskene skal vel måtte betale mer? For dette koster jo flyselskapet penger.
En annen gruppe mennesker det koster flyselskapet penger å ha reisende med seg er bevegelseshemmede. Synes vi det er ok at disse menneskene må betale ekstra? Nei, jeg kan ikke forestille meg det.
         "Men bevegelseshemmede kan ikke noe for at de er bevegelseshemmede," hører jeg noen av dere rope. "Tjukke mennesker kan bare spise litt mindre og bevege seg litt mer, så hadde de passet inn i ett sete akkurat som oss andre."
         Du mener "oss andre" som ikke har bein som er over en viss lengde, ikke sant?
         "Ja, de andre."
         OK. I en del tilfeller stemmer det mine teoretiske lesere nå har sagt, men langt ifra i alle. Hva med de som er tjukke fordi de har en sykdom eller lidelse som enten indirekte eller direkte har ført til at de blir tjukke, skal de måtte betale ekstra? Så regelen er synlig sykdom/lidelse (som mennesker i rullestol) = Ikke betale ekstra. "Usynlig" sykdom/lidelse = Betale ekstra. Nei? Hva med mennesker som sliter psykisk, og som en konsekvens av dette har lagt på seg, skal disse menneskene måtte betale ekstra? Nei? Ja? Skal vi gjøre unntak for mennesker som kan fremlegge en legeerklæring (og med dette blåse i de som sliter psykisk men som ikke har hatt råd til/klart å gå til psykolog eller psykiater)?

Om du har kommet til dette punktet i artikkelen min og fortsatt synes det er en god idé å la større mennesker betale mer for samme reise, har jeg ett siste poeng som jeg håper å overbevise deg med: Setene har blitt mindre. Jeg vet at dette kommer som et sjokk på mange av dere, da media får det til høres ut som om setene har holdt seg like store siden 60-tallet, og det er menneskene som har blitt feitere. Faktum er det at gjennomsnitts setet i 1972 var 18,5-23 tommer stort, i dag er det 17-19 tommer stort. Det er altså en gruppe mennesker som i 1972 kunne passet inn i setet men som ikke gjør det i dag, eller som i dag sitter skviset inntil deg på flyet men som ikke hadde gjort det i 1972. Er det fortsatt greit at disse menneskene skal måtte betale (bokstavelig talt) for at flyselskapene bestemte seg for å øke profitten sin, ved å skvise flere av oss inn i det samme flyet? Jeg håper nå at svaret ditt er nei, men om det ikke er det får du allikevel ha takk for at du leste artikkelen min.